Minis On The Edge Posted February 18, 2006 Share Posted February 18, 2006 Hubby and I were talking yesterday about all of the different things we have learned and how much we have grown through the years. One thing Hubby said he has learned in the years is: "That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every now and again and you must forgive them for that." He said he looks back and sees how he has lost friends because he chose not to forgive them. One thing I told him I have learned is "That you should always leave loved ones with loving words no matter how you feel at that moment. It may be the last time you see them." This is something I always try my best to practice. The reason why is because about 9 years ago, my hubby and I had an argument before he left to come home from work. On the express way he was hit by a truck in his small Sentra. He was unharmed and the car was messed up but I always thought "What if those were my last words to him" so I always hang up with kind words and never leave my parents house with a sour note. Another one is that "either you control your attitude or it controls you." I used to get so stuck on how someone treated me or "wronged me" that I personally could not grow from the experiance. I would vent and stay mad forever (I guess I had to learn to forgive people too back then). What things have you learned over the years. Any Words of Wisdom can be posted here to help us all reflect on the wonderful experience of "Life". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LPCullen Posted February 18, 2006 Share Posted February 18, 2006 Wow! That's a big one Tracy! One thing I have learned is not to be overly concerned with what other people think. If you live your life being overly concerned with that, you won't be living your life for you and you will never be happy. I've learned that two halves do not make a whole, no matter how hard you try. Two incomplete persons are not a good match, and you must love yourself before you can love anyone else. I've learned that it's OK to walk away. If someone hurts me or makes me angry, it's OK for me to walk away from it. What goes around, comes around, and God will take care of that for me. There's more, but I'll stop now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Minis On The Edge Posted February 19, 2006 Author Share Posted February 19, 2006 I know this is a hard one :angry: I have actually been thinking of this for a couple of days. I asked hubby last night just to see what he would say and of course, the sweetheart thought it was a "trick" question . I am always telling jokes around here. Those are good ones Linda!! Thanks for getting the ball rolling Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paula herron Posted February 19, 2006 Share Posted February 19, 2006 I've learned that life is too short to put so much worry into living, that every day is a holdiay, and every meal a feast. Be thankful for every day you have with those you love and do not worry. Worry has never added even one second to a person's life. Be grateful for every day. It will never come again and that in itself makes it special and unique. Last, no matter how big or small each meal of the day is consider it a feast. It is more than many people have. And one more thing, say your prayers to your God, for tomorrow you may not be here. Paula Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deb Posted February 19, 2006 Share Posted February 19, 2006 I saw the topic of this thread and a couple of thoughts immediately came to mind. And then I read Linda's reply and thought, "Wow! We've attended the same school of life's lessons." Like Linda, I've ever learned is that I don't need anyone else's approval for anything I do. It doesn't matter what other people think about my life or if they approve or not. What matters is that *I* approve of my choices. After all, I'm the one who has to live with them. No one else can make the right decisions for me. I'm responsible for my own choices in life and because I am, I accept accountability for myself and my actions. I have given myself permission to know my own truths and what is best for me. I've also learned that just because people say "I'm doing this because I care about you" doesn't make it right. No one has the right to hurt me in the name of love and anyone who would do that doesn't really love me. It's okay for me to distance myself from toxic people who are bad for me even if they say they love me. And I've learned to keep a sense of humor about life and not take things too seriously or too personally. There are things in life that I'm not going to like, things I don't agree with, and things that will annoy me. They aren't going to go away just because I don't like them but that's okay. I've learned to tell the difference between things that impact me personally and the things that just happen. I stand up for myself and what I believe in when I need to, but I also know how to determine when things just don't require my attention. I think the most important thing I've learned is how to determine problem ownership. If a problem is mine, I'll own it and deal with it, but I refuse to accept ownership of someone else's problems. If I offer sympathy, assistance or support, it's genuinely from my heart. I will help those I love deal with their problems, but I don't make them my own. Likewise, I don't expect anyone else to take ownership of my problems. Best of all is learning how to create and to laugh. Those are the things that nurture my spirit. Oh, and I learned not to put an open tube of glue down on a chair. :angry: Deb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuppa-Tea Posted February 19, 2006 Share Posted February 19, 2006 I've learned that two halves do not make a whole, no matter how hard you try. Two incomplete persons are not a good match, and you must love yourself before you can love anyone else. I've learned that it's OK to walk away. If someone hurts me or makes me angry, it's OK for me to walk away from it. What goes around, comes around, and God will take care of that for me. There's more, but I'll stop now. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Those are so, so true Linda!!!! That is basically "Marriage in a nutshell!" I can't think of anything to post. I'm still learning, I guess! Well, I learned long ago that people can say anything about their relationship with you, but it's what they do that counts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuppa-Tea Posted February 19, 2006 Share Posted February 19, 2006 Oh, and I learned not to put an open tube of glue down on a chair. Deb <{POST_SNAPBACK}> ROFL!!!!!!!! :angry: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LPCullen Posted February 19, 2006 Share Posted February 19, 2006 I saw the topic of this thread and a couple of thoughts immediately came to mind. And then I read Linda's reply and thought, "Wow! We've attended the same school of life's lessons." Deb <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Yes, we did I think Deb. More from LInda: I've learned it's OK not to be perfect. It's only important that I gave it my best. I've learned that it's OK to ask for help. Learning to accept help is a whole 'nother topic though. I've learned that love and marriage is more like a decision than an emotion. You wake up every morning and decide to love each other again for another day. Actually, when someone asks for my advice on marriage, one of the things that I tell them is to "remember to love". I've learned that the most beautiful way to view life is through a child's eyes. The absolute wonder that they see when they discover something new, or view the beautiful trees and flowers and learn their names! Like Deb, but unlike Deb, I've learned that when I am painting a real house to not leave the paint lid in the room in which I am painting, since I'll most likely sit on it sooner or later, LOL! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MiniMadWoman Posted February 22, 2006 Share Posted February 22, 2006 I've also learned that just because people say "I'm doing this because I care about you" doesn't make it right. No one has the right to hurt me in the name of love and anyone who would do that doesn't really love me. It's okay for me to distance myself from toxic people who are bad for me even if they say they love me. Deb, thank you so much for this!! I just received a letter from someone who I thought was my friend saying they couldn't be my friend and wouldn't tell me why "because they cared about me too much"!! HA!! And they say you can't teach an old dog new tricks!! :o I've learned that I must trust my own instincts for good or bad. I've learned at the ripe old age of 45 that I'm going into old age kicking and screaming but with a smile on my face (even if it is forced). I've learned that I cannot live other people's lives, they must do it for themselves. I've learned that God is with me in ALL things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deb Posted February 22, 2006 Share Posted February 22, 2006 Like Deb, but unlike Deb, I've learned that when I am painting a real house to not leave the paint lid in the room in which I am painting, since I'll most likely sit on it sooner or later, LOL! heheheeheee I have this really bad habit of putting paintbrushes sideways in my teeth to hold them instead of setting them down..........which works just fine till I turn my head. Now I have an assortment of shirts with brightly painted shoulders. Add that in with what I sit on and, well, let's just say that I invested in a couple sets of scrubs to wear in the studio now. Deb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deb Posted February 22, 2006 Share Posted February 22, 2006 Deb, thank you so much for this!! I just received a letter from someone who I thought was my friend saying they couldn't be my friend and wouldn't tell me why "because they cared about me too much"!! HA!! Anyone who plays that kind of mind game is toxic and you're better off without them in your life. And if it makes you feel any better, just remember: We like you! We really, really like you!! :o (we really do ya know) Deb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peggi Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 I've learned that in the face of a crisis its better to take a deep breath and deal with one thing at a time and wait till crisis is over and fall apart when you are alone, instead of panicing and trying to deal with all details at once. Break it down into to steps. I've also learned that you can love some one very much all the time but at times you don't have to like them or their actions all the time. It is ok and even recommended to say "I'm sorry" when you're in the wrong, it helps resolve issues and makes you a more honest person. That no matter how strong a person you are there will be some things thrown at you in life that will make you feel like you have physically been punched in the stomach, and you will realize that you need a shoulder to lean on or a helping hand up. A smile will brighten most people's days and a kind word never hurt anyone. and sometimes you just have to trust your "gut" feeling Peggi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doogster Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 One me Dad taught me, and it'll save you a whole lot of stress believe me, is: You can't argue with someone who's stupid. They can only see their point of view, and are incapable of considering another. Few example, someone at work was saying YoYo Ma is a violinist, I said he's a cellist, it went on for a bit until I told this person to look Ma up on the internet. Needless to say his own website stated he's one of the world's most renowned cellists. To this day this person insists he's a violinist, I don't bother arguing anymore it's a total waste of time. Another: The grass is NEVER greener on the other side of the fence. If things are bad where your at, then get out of there. But if things are good, don't look for something even better, you'll spend your life looking for something you'll never find. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smallhouset Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 The best thing I've ever learned came from my father, If you can't change something by worrying about it its not worth worrying about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LPCullen Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 heheheeheee I have this really bad habit of putting paintbrushes sideways in my teeth to hold them instead of setting them down..........which works just fine till I turn my head. Now I have an assortment of shirts with brightly painted shoulders. Add that in with what I sit on and, well, let's just say that I invested in a couple sets of scrubs to wear in the studio now. Deb <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I don't put them sideways in my mouth, I put the non-bristle part in my mouth and walk around like that. Jimmy will ask me for a kiss and I'll turn around and 'bout paint his face before I realize there's a paint brush in my mouth, LOL! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Josi Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 I have learned that my happiness is my responsibility. No one can make me happy. I have learned that men are a different breed of the human species. Accept what you can not change, learn to live with it, have fun with it. I agree with many of the things already mentioned here, especially Doogster's advice about not arguing with stupid people. Josi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Minis On The Edge Posted February 24, 2006 Author Share Posted February 24, 2006 just received a letter from someone who I thought was my friend saying they couldn't be my friend and wouldn't tell me why "because they cared about me too much"!! HA!! I had a co-worker once who became a very good friend of mine. We ate lunch together, shopped even went into a business together. Well, one day she stopped talking to me. I could not figure out What actually happened. Well, some of our mutual friends told me 1 year later (because she quit her job too) that she stopped talking to me because I had a higher position than she did and I made more money than she did and she had more "schooling" than me is what she told them. She worked in finance and came across a letter stating I had just received "another" raise and so she left the company and everything. I was very hurt by those comments she made to other people we both worked with (some of the stuff is so low, I won't even mention). I learned that you can actually be a "friend" to someone but that don't mean that they are YOUR "friend". I became very distant after that because I had no idea who was my true friends and who wanted to use me or "wait" to see if I fell flat on my face so they could laugh. Thank goodness I never did fall or fail to meet the companies expectations. Right now, if I ever decided to go to work, I can go back (as of 1 week ago I was told that). That person was never your friend and be so Thankful that you know it now. I tell everyone that my best friend is my Husband. I can always do something shocking and for some reason he stays with me . That's what friendship is, they forgive and love you even though they know all of your failings. We love you Teresa! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MiniMadWoman Posted February 24, 2006 Share Posted February 24, 2006 Anyone who plays that kind of mind game is toxic and you're better off without them in your life. And if it makes you feel any better, just remember: We like you! We really, really like you!! (we really do ya know)That person was never your friend and be so Thankful that you know it now. I tell everyone that my best friend is my Husband. I can always do something shocking and for some reason he stays with me . That's what friendship is, they forgive and love you even though they know all of your failings. We love you Teresa! {Wiping away the tears streaming down my face} Thanks you guys! I've been feeling like the wind has blown out of my sails! It's so nice to come here and find some wind to be blown up again! I can't tell you how much I appreciate that! ;) I became very distant after that because I had no idea who was my true friends Tracy, I know what you mean . . . I've been thinking the same thing, but today I realized that this is "her" problem, not mine, and I'm not going to take it on!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wenlaine Posted February 24, 2006 Share Posted February 24, 2006 Good for you, Teresa! There is nothing so debilitating as a person who zaps you of your energy and strength. It IS her problem and you needn't give her another thought. She obviously doesn't know the meaning of friendship and you're definitely better off without her in your life. I really really like you too!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MiniMadWoman Posted February 24, 2006 Share Posted February 24, 2006 Thank you Wendy! It really was zapping me of my energy and heaven knows I need it for dollhousing!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nuttiwebgal Posted February 24, 2006 Share Posted February 24, 2006 I recently walked away from a friendship of 26 yrs and it was hard. but it was harder to keep being friends with someone who shows no respect for you or it was for me. I still love this person but I wonder how long she felt the way she did before I knew it. I am better off now. the negativity can really dragg you down and if its not yours than toss it away. I got my own stuff to deal with. big huggzzz nutti Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Minis On The Edge Posted February 24, 2006 Author Share Posted February 24, 2006 Good for you Teresa! I am so happy you decided early not to let her change YOU. I withdrew from people for about 2 years after that . I thought I had a flaw so I distanced myself from people. That was a BAD mistake. I let that person control my future when my destiny belongs to ME ! I started hanging around people who were only related to me (My brother could tell me I am getting on his nerves but he could NOT tell me that I am no longer his sister. DNA can't be changed LOL). I am really close to my family and I have found mt best friendships with people older than me again. I have learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time. All of my great friends are mature but fun and I like that too. Toxic people are not fun and Lynette, I am so glad you walked away from that friendship!! You don't need that in your life. There are so many people who are so superficial. I find a GREAT joy being a part of this wonderful group right here! I always feel warm and fuzzy. I think it has a lot to do with respect. We respect each other here and that goes a LONG way! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Missymew Posted February 24, 2006 Share Posted February 24, 2006 Lynette, Tracy and Teresa - The people that hurt you are definitely not your friends. A friend's love should be unconditional. You shouldn't have to earn it. What I've learned in life is that if I ever start to feel different about somebody I love, I ask myself "what has changed". It's seldom the other person ... they haven't "done" anything to me. Usually it's just me ... either having a bad day .. moment ... or, that I've started to grow in a different direction. It doesn't mean that I don't still love my friend, but sometimes our relationship will change somewhat. If someone has been important to me, how can that change? Do I make any sense? Susanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
havanaholly Posted February 25, 2006 Share Posted February 25, 2006 What an interesting topic. I've learned that God is with me in ALL things. I've learned a lot of things after 64 years. I think I Corinthians 13 sums it up pretty well. If I have trouble loving someone unconditionally I remember that God loves them that way. It takes a while, but if I forgive someone who has hurt me I like myself & have happy memories of the time I thought they were my friend. Letting anger & resentment feed on your heart will diminish you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Missymew Posted February 25, 2006 Share Posted February 25, 2006 What an interesting topic. I've learned a lot of things after 64 years. I think I Corinthians 13 sums it up pretty well. If I have trouble loving someone unconditionally I remember that God loves them that way. It takes a while, but if I forgive someone who has hurt me I like myself & have happy memories of the time I thought they were my friend. Letting anger & resentment feed on your heart will diminish you. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I agree, Holly, Jesus also asked how Christians are different if they only love and forgive people who are good to them. He said that even the taxpayers do that. (Matthew 5 "For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same?" When I find it hard to truly forgive, I remember the person in my prayers. Gradually true forgiveness comes. It's really hard to get down on your knees and pray for blessings for someone every day and not love them. And in Romans "Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse". I also think that if we turn our backs on a friend who has hurt us, in many ways we're becoming the very part of that person that has hurt us. The part of them that we don't like. I guess what I've learned above all else is to turn to the Bible when I'm hurting or uncertain how to respond. I also have learned that you don't judge people who are unable to forgive. Our pastor once said "how do I tell each of you to forgive everyone, when I don't know what you're being asked to forgive. Even I know that there are things that I don't think I could forgive". Once again, the bible has an answer to this quandry as well. It talks about removing the plank you've got in your own eye, before you point out a sliver in someone else's eye. I think that reason we forgive has a lot more to do with our own health and peace of mind, than it does about the person who we are trying to forgive. Susanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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