I am not ok

[nuttiwebgal]

I am a total emotional MESS

I was told this could happen to me and I didnt believe it because I felt so GOOD!

I have been getting worse and yesterday I melted down and QUIT my job!

the one thing causing the least stress....so of course that only made things worse!

so Ive been bawling since yesterday and only myself to blame!!

not looking for any pity but some advice would be welcome!

I quit taking my hormones and thyroid a couple of months ago...yanno miss procrastination wouldnt make the time to change pharmacies...blah blah blah....well I was able to get the thyroid med refilled but I have to do the whole woman exam for the hormones because I havent done that since my hysterectomy 2 yrs ago :lol: as women I know you know how much I look forward to that..so I put it off.

I have to get another job...but I have to get me fixed again....as a WLS pt I cannot comfort myself with food...actually since all this stress has been building I find myself unable to eat anything much at all. I threw up my 3 bites last thursady and tuesday was sick at work....yesterday I wasnt able to get my protien bar down at break....it was than I knew I was gonna quit....I cant be so upset that I cant EAT!. I have to be able to get my protien in....so I spent my lunch hour letting Dean tell me it would be ok if I quit....my physical health was too important. so I went in after lunch to give my 2 weeks notice....the lead was like I dont know how you do that?? what?? most folks just leave and never come back...well ok than...so I left. I remember getting my photos but I left a couple of things there.

I waited in the rain for the supervisor to get back so I could thank her for giving me the oppertunity but she acted as if she could care less and confirmed what I had been feeling off her for some time that she would like to get rid of me...for whatever reason...probably because I refuse to get along with the dept pet. who has my SAME job title but does not do half the things she wants me to do an hour ago(SIGH)

so here I sit...still bawling. I did make myself an appointment with my OBGYN but not until Thursday. so Im going to chill out here for a couple of weeks until the hormones are kicked in and hopefully that is what is wrong with me.

Im thinking maybe I need a counsler but how likely is that??

I feel like Im going crazy...I have felt like this for a month or more. just crying for no reason....horrible anxiety attacks...one definate panic attack...and im still not sure what to classify yesterday. a total emotional meltdown? it sure felt like it than and today Im still feeling the emotions. someone plzzz tell me its the hormones. I have taken them faithfully for the last 2 yrs but for a wk or so between refills. and the OBGYN did tell me this would happen to me if I quit taking them....guess she knows....where is my fairy godmother to wave her wand and take away yesterday. or better yet the whole month.

well I feel better now. oh wait...another round of tears...and I have to go and pick up my check.

its payday.

I know Im pathetic but I figured you would forgive me for being a whinner!

somebody call me a whaaaaaaa-mbulance.

nutti

[uppitycats]

I'm so sorry you're feeling so awful! It's the hormones.....and the stress of undertaking a job where you've sensed for awhile, now, that you're not appreciated...and the stress of knowing you should quit and not wanting to quit....and the hormones (or rather, lack of them)....and feeling unwelcomed and unwanted....and the hormones....and all the rest of the physical stuff you've been dealing with over the last couple of years...

A good solid cry...and the hormones...and you'll pick yourself up and start again, and do well. Take care! :lol:

[Anna]

Sweetie, you better take the best possible care of yourself, OK pretty please?!?

Yes, you definitley do need your protein/food/nutrition so that is a prioroity, a job is a job is ajob and you will be able to find something else when you are up and ready for it OK!!!

Lots and lots of hugs and you know, there is always room for you over here if you want a time out somewhere veeeery far away!!!!

:lol:

Loads of hugs

[miniwendy]

Big hugs! !!!!!

I hope that you can get to the bottom of whatever the problem is and fix it soon- it stinks when you don't feel right. Hang in there... :lol:

[goodteach0]

Lynette,

It's the hormones plus all the other stuff going on at your job.

Might help to journal how your feeling, try very hard to get your protein, take a leisurely walk .

It's the lack of hormones mainly. Remember how somepeople feel just when they're having pms or going into menopause.

Get those hormones as soon as possible.

Remember, this will pass. Hangin there sweetheart.

ps I can't imagine anybody not getting along with you! Must be something wrong with those peeps.

[Missymew]

Nutti -

I was thinking about you last night. I haven't come across your posts on the forum for quite a while.

Please don't feel that it's that you can't handle stress. We all have developed ways in which we handle life stresses. As much as possible we try to make sure that we are making healthy choices in how we deal with life's bumps in the road. Just when we feel we've got control, we hit a huge crater, or one bump after the other.

I couldn't work in a job where I didn't feel appreciated. I'm so fortunate to have such a terrific boss and co-worker. I think you've so done the right thing by walking away. You don't deserve to be working with people who don't treat you well. Wait until your medications are adjusted to where you're feeling yourself again. Then go out and find a job where you'll enjoy going in each day. It'll make such a difference.

You've made so many changes in the past few years, and I think that sometimes the mind and emotions need time to catch up. Take advantage of the support system you already have in place: family and friends.

I'll say prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Hugs

-Susanne

[Esther]

Nutti,

It's the hormones. Stopping them "cold turkey" is never a good idea. I agree with what everyone else is saying. Take some time to relax....maybe eat some chocolate along with all that protein. I find that chocolate always helps. :lol: ...oh, and make it DARK chocolate. It's supposed to be good for you in small quantities...but I figure if it's good for you in small quantities, it must be great for you in large quantities. lol.

[Deb]

Poor sweet Nutti......<wrapping arms around you in a hug and rubbing your back> Cry it all out and you'll feel so much better. It sounds like everything from the past two years has just dumped all the stress on you at once. I think you did the right thing about quitting your job, and Dean is being supportive of that too. You need to take some time to just relax and take care of yourself. You've had a LOT of major life changes over the past couple of years and in typical Nutti-style, you haven't even noticed how much stress was involved in all of it. You just kept putting one foot in front of the other and forging ahead no matter what. Your hormones finally let go of that stoic control you've been holding onto so tightly and the rest of your body followed along.

Time to wrap up in your favorite blanky, put on some comfy clothes, listen to your favorite music, and take some deep breaths. It's all going to be okay, but you've got to take some time to look after yourself and let your nerves unwind. The job is the least of your worries.....remember that you were looking for a job when you found that one and another one will come along when the time is right. Now is the time to take care of yourself physically and emotionally. You're wonderful at nurturing other people so turn a little of that nurturing nature on yourself and you'll feel much better.

We're here if you need us sweetie. You know we love you.

Deb

[Wolfie]

I'm with Deb on this Nutti.......my gosh, you're going through such a hard time. My heart goes out to you. Wish we could all be with you during this time, but then that kind of stress could really throw you over the edge! Do follow Deb's advise. You can find another job when you feel better, you're probably better off out of there.

Hugs,

[TinyJudi]

My heart goes out to you Nutti. Life can hand us a little too much sometimes and there is nothing wrong with doing what it takes to keep your physical and mental health. Stress can cause so many problems. You seem to have a great support system and that will help you greatly. Just throw on some comfy clothes, curl up with a good book and relax for a while. Get back on your meds, just as the doctor orders. It is important. Those hormones can throw us into a major tizzy when they get outta whack. Hang in there Sweetie and remember we are here for you anytime and every time you need us.

[nuttiwebgal]

:wub: :wub: :wub: :wub:

yall make me feel so much better!

Im still bawling but this time its because yall just touch my heart!

I belong to an online and a live support group for WLS and Im here to tell you...you guys ROCK!

support good advice and no judgement!

it is my plan work on my Addams kit for the HBS contest. and I have a couple of new to me books to read. played candyland with the Pixianator tonight...who can be sad with that smile and huggs to warm your heart.

she caught me crying...said"nannie why you cryin?' Im like Im sad and my heart hurts....she got sad and put her head real close to me and blew on me....she blew my booboo away like her mommy does for her.

and of course Mister Jax is teething so his smile is crooked with his 2 first toofuses comming through. much precious baby love.

it will be nice to spend time with them during the day.

I have to wait till thursday to get my skript of hormones and than a week to let them settle me down and then back to work...somewhere.

Thanks guys...yall mean an awful lot to me.

nutti

[THmini2]

I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Please take time just for you. Do things that you haven't had time for. Some quiet time for yourself will help you think things through. Try to let your self relax and things will look much better. You did nothing wrong so stop beating yourself up. You are too nice to work for someone who doesn't appriciate you. They are the losers in this as they lost a good person to work for them. Sometimes it takes quiting for them to realize what they lost, not that you would want to go back to that job. Hugs, Teresa

[Shy Spirit]

My mouth fell open when I read the subject line of this thread - I was really concerned for you and jumped on the mouse to click in and find out what had you "not ok".

Lynette - Nutti - give yourself permission to take a break. You have been climbing mountains, and changing your world ... which is wonderful, amazing, and inspiring ... but you can't do it all on your own. Hormones make the world go round (even when you're busy changing it), and when they get messed up, they can make your world cave in. Once you get the hormones back in order, everything else will follow suit.

Deb and the others have said everything that I would like to say (and so much better than I could)!

You are a sweetheart - please take care of yourself. We do care about you - very much. Be a smart girl - forget the dufuses (no idea how to spell that) at the rotten place you used to work at - they made you unhappy, and aren't worth an atom of your energy. Save your strength for yourself, and your family.

I will be thinking very soft, soothing, healing thoughts - and blowing them your way. (I'm no Pixie, but Ive been known to use a little magic every now and then.) :wub:

Get well Girlie, and we will all feel better!

[heidiiiii]

You cry all you want and do not let anybody tell you different. I agree....hormones and stress. Once you have started taking them again and you decompress, you will be all better. But for now, if you want to cry go right ahead. It is good for you! Especially those *primal* cries. Your eyes may get puffy, and you will look like a fright but you will clean out the water works!

For a couple years I held in the tears, put on a mask so that no one knew how I was really feeling. Once I got into therapy and learned there was no judgement there..I bawled like a baby every chance I got...until I was all done. Then I felt much better.

((((((BIG HUGS)))))))) and here is a imaginary cup of low-fat but yummy frozen yogurt for you.

[Shakyshaky]

Nutti you have done so many wonderful things for yourself and others! You need to take some time and relax. Another job will come when it's time. Besides I can't wait to see what you have planned for the Adams!

[Elicia]

Get those hormones back in you and things will begin to look better....I don't personally take them but my daughter does and, boy, can you tell when she misses just one pill......sit down and take some deep breaths....take a little more time choosing your next job.....maybe you could find something you could do at home......above all, chill out and enjoy the little bit of time you will have off.....from what I've read you've been through quite a bit of stress this year with your surgery....having that was a very brave thing for you to do.....now you just need to take some time to relax and get yourself back together.....

best wishes.....

Elicia

swaying in the breeze in South Carolina

[jeninky]

Nutti we have both went through some life changing events and that alone is enough to rock our worlds..

We used food as a comfort and now we don't have that and with life's problems we are not sure where to

turn so our emotions get the best of us.

I would say the hormone's and stress of life and the battle of the surgery has came to a head.

Now it is time to tackle that booger and win!

I know what you mean about the job world something I have never understood is why people have to be

so nasty.. I work with 60+ plus men and they whin more than a woman ever would LOL (No offense men out there)lol

I think once you get a couple days of good rest and you are home you should start feeling better.. I always feel so good when I am home doing my own thing..

Good luck to you and remember that we are family here and you are so special to us here and we wuv you dearly.. You have a friend in me if you ever need to chat, cry or vent!

[twilight1000]

Nutti, I'm so sorry to hear that life has pushed you close to the edge. I agree with everyone else that lack of hormones plus too much stress are the most likely causes. I want to add my sincere wishes that you find relief soon. Hugs from little ones are great, aren't they!

[chesterfieldzoo]

Sounds like hormones to me. I feel so bad for you not being able to do 'comfort food' that I have made the sacrifice and did it for you. I hope the next week passes fast for you so you feel better. And good for you for quitting a job that sucked.

[chattycathy66]

Hang in there Nutti

[Elicia]

Nutti, hope you had a good weekend and got some rest....sometimes just doing nothing helps me a lot.....

Elicia

sunning on the beach in SC

ha....like I wish I was.....

[nuttiwebgal]

Well the reunion went off so good!

there were about 100 people there.

my gran and her brother were both there and both of them with 5 generations

I thought that was kewl. of course his 2 great granbabies were just a month apart

6 weeks and 1 month so our Jaxon wasnt the youngest there. everyone was flipping out over my weightloss. I was cornered by many relatives...all overweight to ask about the surgery and complications....lots of hugs and compliments....and I was worried about going.

one of my Uncles did not know who I was until someone said my name. he covered well.LOL

we enjoyed a huge feast of many goodies...of course there were some who wanted to see my plate...LOL but I ate a protien bar before arriving and I just ate bites off of Deans plate. I got a nice sample of everything. yum yum!

the weather was perfect and my grandbabies travelled well with no issues! a wonderful day for all.

my nerves are still shakey. still doesnt take much to set me off crying but I did make myself an OBGYN appointment and one with my PCP for some anti anxiety meds.

I also went to my union hall and talked to the rep there and it is possible that I may be going back to work...maybe not the same job as they have already bid it and gotten a succesful bidder

that was FAST....sure makes me feel even more like it was a push to get me to quit. but it is a BIG plant and everyone apparently liked my work and attitude so when the HR gets back to town on Thursday she is going to check and see if they have a job for me somewhere else in the plant.

I really did like my job! and I cant believe(now) that I just quit!

I spent all day monday feeling numb and exahusted but I am starting to feel better.

I know once those hormones start in Ill be better still.

I really do appreciate all of your kind words. tytyty for being so kind to me!

today I am alone in my house for a couple of hours. so Im going to do something in miniature....no idea what but something.

have a great day!

nutti :o

[Elicia]

Glad things are looking up for you again...just hang in there....it will all work out for you.....

Elicia

sitting in the rain in SC

[nuttiwebgal]

well all the Dr. visits are done and I am home with the prescribed thyroid and hormones

and another something for my nerves.

the obgyn hasnt seen me in a yr but my PCP had and he thought perhaps another round of something stronger for the nerves...and posted a question as to am I bi-polor?

well I just went through all that testing for WLS and the shrink who saw me the 3 times I went said he thought I suffered from Post tramatic stress syndrome but I seem to have learned to cope with it....LOL now that I type that.....I coped with food and locking myself away in my house

yup I did learn to cope....cope is not dealing with. and let me tell you

I really do not know how to deal! people always say...I eat when Im stresssed.....and until I physically couldnt eat while stressed did I know what that really means! food is ALL I have been thinking about. I should put this in the WLS thread but here it is.

I WANT THE COMFORT OF COOKIES AND MILK!

there are other things I crave but cookies and milk are true comfort food...no other real reason for cookies and milk.

almost bought a big bag of peanut M&M's to munch on...can I eat them....NO but I still WANT them. and all of this is brought on by STRESS. in the yr since I had my life saving WLS I have not really missed eating the amounts of food I used to....and some foods I used to love I dont even think about. well until recently when I went off the hormones and thyroid meds at the same time....BOY let me tell you I have been on one heck of an emotional rollarcoaster ride! and I want to munch.

but I have been good and munching protien bars and one of the good things about Dr. visits is being weighed and today I was at!!!238!!!

so for a brief moment I had excitement! but it didnt last long and im back to the reality of my emotions.

somebody give me some french cries with my whaaa-mburger! :yes:

so in 3 weeks I go get blood work and the Dr. wants to have an evaluation of this nerve stuff Im on.

once he put me on something...after 3 days I wanted to hit someone and never stop.

I do not want a repeat of that.

I wonder while I still have my medicare if I can get in to talk to someone? I know it cant hurt to try.

oh and while Im unburdening my life to you all.... I dont know who I am.

when I look in the mirror I dont see me anymore. I really never thought about such things until it happened to me...it is VERY disconserting to say the least. and ....and this may shock some....I dont like how I look. I mean when I was

dont like it. I was really puffy in the face...but now my face is soo thin and I still have lbs to loose.

can you tell Im still emotionally freaked out???

still crying...today was bad.

going to hide in my room now!

nutti

[twilight1000]

Nutti, I just went to your Gallery and took another look at your most recent photo - the one of you before and after. You look much younger now; your new hairstyle is very flattering; and you're so much thinner.

Back away from the mirror! No, really. Don't look too closely; your face has been through a lot and may need time to catch up. I don't like looking in the mirror these days, either, though with me it's aging. So sometimes I take off my glasses and with the blurred vision, I look so much better! :yes:

Hang in there, Nutti! You've come so far. Here's hoping the nerve pills kick in and you can chill.