Tax break!

97 posts in this topic

I went to fill our taxes yesterday, at a major tax preparation place, that we have used for years. ( I do all the paper work and DH just comes in to sign, he can't be bothered with it) When the tax specialist was done the prognosis was the same at it usually is. My DH gets a huge check, and I owe money, 'cause he made too much! I make 3 times less than DH. Anyway, after my usuall it's so not fair how I always get shafted bit, the fellow said their is a way you can both get returns, and owe nothing. It turns out that if I claim the children at the end, my return goes from a negative to a positive, but only by an amount equal to the amount reduced from his return. The take home amount is exactly the same in 2 checks as it would be in 1 check. I was so excited when he showed me the figures, and the fact that I would get a return, instead of owing money for a change, I said go for it.

Here is my dilemna- DH is so very angry that I deviated from the norm, he's convinced I went there with the intention of stealing "his" money. This wasn't the case, and all the money is exactly the same as it would have been, it's just such a great feeling to not owe for a change.

Was this stealing, and should I just cash the check and give it to him? I'm really confused! Opinions please!

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Um... how is this stealing if the deduction is YOUR children - not his business expenses, or his personal deductions, or maybe his kids from another marriage? I don't get it... is it maybe an unspoken understanding that the two tax return get submitted individually and he gets to keep his refund for himself? Or is all the refund money pooled equally anyway? If it is equally distributed, I'm not sure why he's complaining... If not, then I think he might owe you some back-refund money for getting to claim the kids all by himself.

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He usually keeps his refund and spends it on something he wants, of his choosing and brags that he earned it for all his hard work through the year. The children are ours together. Other years they put them on his income and they never told me it could be done this way, so I do not owe money back. I guess he just assumed it was the only way it could/should be done. So now, having 1/3 less than his usual amount of mad money to play with has totally blown him away, and he's 1 crapped out camper. I don't get it either, that's why I asked here, what y'all thought. If it's stealing then I want no part of it, but as far as I was told it's all legal.

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Maybe you should agree to put both tax refund checks in a CD or fund that you will use for a family vacation or something like that. It's never a good idea to have a "my money", "your money" marriage....it causes too much friction and fosters selfishness, which should not be part of any marriage.

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Well, I definitely don't want to start a marital rift with my opinion. However, even in divorced families it's usually the mother who claims the children on her tax return. I think it's a fair trade for the duties of motherhood: interacting with schools / teachers, monitoring grades, tracking vaccinations, making doctor and dentist appointment, signing them up for summer camps, clothes shopping, food shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundering, party planning, pet tending, birthday and holiday gift shopping (I could go on and on)... Unless of course, he does most of these things??

I CAN understand him having a bit of a meltdown initially because no one likes to see money they are expecting not be there. I would just hope after the initial disappointment, that he could see from your point of view that some of this Mad Money should be a reimbursement for what you contribute as a mother to the household (on top of your other job even if it pays a third what he makes)... You definitely did not steal it... there is absolutely no way this could constitute stealing.

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You are not going to start any rifts. The rift is apparent-I've never been accused of stealing before! However, since I intend to pay bills for the household with the money, and not use it for "mad money", as he does with his, and has done every other year, I'm gonna shut up, cash my check and move on. I will not hand over the cash, so he can get another spray paint gun, or car accessory, or show peice tool...

Wanta bet next year he will come in with me to file his taxes? LOL It's sorta funny now that I have talked to a few people about it. Thanks I don't feel so bad as I did.

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So according to your husband, if you owe money, the bill is yours and yours alone, and any refund he receives is his and his alone. You don't share in these things together? Does this sound like a partnership to you? They are your children together, so why shouldn't you share the tax deduction? You've done nothing illegal, but perhaps you've been a bit naive to put up with this selfishness all these years and expect him to be any different now. I know you came here with a question about a tax refund, but (and I wish I had a gentler way of putting this) you have a bigger problem-with your relationship.

My advice to you is to keep your fair share of the refund and spend it on you!

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My only question would be: who pays the bills? If they're split then the tax credits should be split, if one pays them all they should get all the credits.

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I guess I don't understand the Canadian tax system. Here -- assuming we're married, we'd file a joint return listing our incomes and what has been withheld from our salaries all year, and claim children as a deduction. Only time one or the other would take that claim individually is if there was a divorce involved.

While I do think it important that there be "my play money and his play money" -- the tax money being returned here really isn't a "gift", but is money that had been over-deducted from your paycheck...so technically here, if we get a "refund" it's our money that we've been "lending" the government all year, and now are getting back. So if this is the case here, it really IS "his money".

But again, I don't understand the Canadian tax system, so can't really offer any answer.

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Your married, all should be discussed and decided how it is to be spent. It's not cheating, it is what is right and fair. The children are not just his. The money can't be all just his, whether you work or not for that matter.

Julie

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I too do not know how the canadian tax systems works but..............here in the states, you can go ask your employer to change your claim number so that you lend more money to the government and then get a bigger tax return. Which isn't all that smart since then you are lending them your money, but I won't get into that.

So you may want to at least ask your tax preparer what you should be claiming on your taxes so you don't owe money again. My guess is that your husband is claiming way too much, and you are claiming too little. I had to edit that because I had it switch...twice, I'm confused this afternoon I guess.

I'd be so angry if my husband got mad at me for claiming the kids on our taxes (I'm a stay at home mom though and we file jointly). Especially if it was the difference between me owing money or getting a bit back. I'm sorry but I would be steaming mad. Kudos to you for being a caring, easy going lady.

S

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If he wants to claim the children, perhaps you should start billing him for your time taking care of them. :hug:

In all seriousness though, I don't understand the Canadian tax system either. When married, I have always filed with my husband. We have a few options here in the good 'ol US for filing status. I file married, joint return. It includes both peoples incomes, although my husbands income is from disability so there is no tax on it. The children are all claimed together. I do know in divorce cases if it is not stated in the divorce papers, the parent that is primary care give receives the tax deduction. There are, of course exceptions to this rule also. Hoping you and hubby work something out where you are both happy.

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If he is going to go for the tax preparation either divide the children or you go first and have yours done. Then give him a copy of yours, totally legal and let him throw his little tantrum.

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I do not consider it stealing at all. It is perfectly legal, and technically, you gave birth, so you should get to claim the kids. Right now I do not work, I take care of the kids all day long. My husband claims me and the kids as dependants and we split whatever tax return comes in. Usually 50/50. This year however we are buying a house and all the income tax refund is going towards our closing costs. But it is not stealing for you to claim the kids so that you do not owe money. I would not want to owe money to the government either(wait a minute, I do owe the government :) ) but it is not stealing. Especially if the same amount of money is coming in to the house and you owe nothing. It is actually keeping money in your house, because you will not have to come up with the money to pay the government back. But it is not stealing at all!!!!

And I would not cash the check and give it to him. I would let him have his check and you have yours. Buy yourself a nice new dollhouse with it :( :hug: .

Edited by nechee

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It is not stealing. Don't worry about it, just do it. Listen to the tax man, not your hubby. Tax man knows best and he can find loopholes to help you out a bit.

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I don't know anything about the Canadian tax system either, but if they are your children together, seems like it would have only been fair to have been switching back and forth all these years on who claims the deductions or splitting up the kids if there's an even number. Mr. "One-sided benefit" has had it good all these years. You should now get to take the kids for an equivalent number of years before you start taking turns/splitting up the deductions.

But I feel for you. My DH usually gets a VERY NICE end of year bonus (although not quite as nice this past year b/c of economy) and usually a decent mid-year bonus. While he usually gives me at least a couple hundred for mad money, sometimes gives our adult daughter a nice chunk if she's in need, and once in a while will buy something for the house, he for the most part keeps the bulk of the money and buys a toy or just fritters it away (which drives me crazy). I don't get bonuses in my current job, but in my previous job I did and ALWAYS used it for something for us together or paid household bills. It must be a male vs female way of thinking. What they conveniently don't remember is they get to work and do such a good job because the wife/significant other is at home taking care of all the daily life stuff instead of them having to take the time away from work to do it or come home after work and have to do it.

Karen

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I do the taxes in our house with a computer program following the Canadian/Ontario tax laws.

We file separate returns because that is how it is done, but are listed as married and both social insurance numbers are listed on both returns, so no refund is given to either until both go through the system.

You are allowed to claim the children on either return, same as charitable donations and medical expenses, unless there is a stipulation that it has to be on the lower/higher income earner.

Having the children on your return is not stealing money, it is just a re-distribution of funds within the couple. Let him get over it somehow and don't worry about it.

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Thank You all so much folks, for your kindness and reassurance. I work a minimum of 40 hours per week. ALL of that goes into household bills. He does pay the mortgage, and the minimums on his own credit cards, as well as the car payment(I don't drive) and gas and maintenance on the vehicle. If I work extra days, or start early, and I have many times started at 10a.m. and finished at 11p.m, then that extra is what I spend on minis/houses. I have also sold some houses, so nothing is ever taken away on anyone because of it. I rarely ever spend on anything for myself, other than that.

I have always paid anything I owed the government, myself. Until this year, as I stated, I was not even aware, that the children could be flipped over onto my return, so I would not owe them anything. It must be all the children, or no-children. They can't be split up apparently. The tax specialist said it made sense to put the credit where it made the most sense-in this particular instant-on my return-to bring it up from a negative to a positive. However, in doing so it decreased his return by that same amount that ended up on mine-(AND HE SHOWED ME THE MATH) Absolutely the same amount entered this house!! Of course I said yes! Wouldn't anyone?

Anyway, the check has been cashed and it has paid the electric and cable bill, that would have been overdue by the time my next pay came around It's not over, though-not by a long shot! In retaliation I was stood up at work last night. DH ususally picks me up, and I'm home by 11.20 p.m. I had to wait 20 minutes for the first bus to get out of there, and another 20 minutes downtown for the transfer, boy was it cold, and I wasn't dressed for it. It took me over an hour to get home. So he's not about to get over being pissed about this if he willing to resort to this sort of childish behavior. Since I've never, ever gotten money back, from taxes, ( just broke even if I was lucky) I never thought for one stinking second it would be the cause of WWIII! THE WHOLE THING JUST BLOWS ME AWAY! I think it was said here before that fights about money, are rarely about money, and perhaps Prairiegirl said it best when she said there were basic problems in the relationship. Maybe it's time for me to start looking elsewhere for an explanation!

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I have to go with the majority here. He makes 3 times as much, so he should pay 3/4 of EVERY bill. Down to the candy bar for the kids. He can claim one kid, you claim one. If you have 3 kids, alternate every year (he gets 2 one year, you get 2 the next). You need to change your paycheck deductions so more taxes are taken out every week. You will get a bigger refund. I don't do it that way, but a lot of people do and it's a great way to have a big chunk of money if you have difficulty saving on your own.

On the worrisome side, I have never (in either marriage) had a 'yours' and 'mine' money arrangement. All money went in joint accounts. Bills were paid first, then savings, then we split what was left. It was not always an even split every month but works out in the end. (Maybe he wants/needs a pricey item and gets it all this month, but next month, it's all mine).

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Sorry in my haste, guess I never said we have 2 children, GIRL 14 AND BOY 12.

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I can't imagine a man acting like that! Well, I can, but I sure wouldn't put up with it. We file jointly, most of the time we owe more, because of the real estate business. But receive or pay, it all is in the same bank account for bills, vacation, whatever. We have just never had the 'my money, your money' relationship. I can't believe a man would go out and buy toys for himself when there are bills due. Everyone else is right, this is not just about money or taxes. Bless your heart, I hope you work this out. Sounds like he needs to grow up and quit being so selfish.

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I'm just blown away by what he did, just, just....., I don't know what to say. What a d*** sums it up pretty good though as doogster wrote. I definitely wouldn't put up with it though, even more so since you've been together that long. He's acting like a spoiled little brat instead of a grown man.

Karen

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Did I read that correctly? Your hubby is mad at you about money and he leaves you to take public transportation home from work at 11pm? In the cold? Something about that just isn't right. I gotta go with Doogster on this one. That is just wrong to do to. I think I would start thinking about taking more than just 'his' money. I hope I am not offending you or anyone else, but that is just an awful thing to do to your spouse, or to anyone else. Sending warm {{hugs}} your way.

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I am totally flabberghasted that you two managed to stay together long enough to have a 14-year-old and he has been acting like such a selfish p***k. You might want to make some contingency plans in case this continues in the direction it sounds like it could go, and in case the counselling someone will recommend you try fails (it takes both of you going to have a chance).

{{hugs}}

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