Tax break!

97 posts in this topic

hmmmm no i definately dont think its stealing....leaving you to get home at 11pm on your own is unbelievablely childish and really dangerous i would say :rofl:

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Now I'm REALLY afraid to rant! I'm such a control freak, I would be signing up for driving lessons tomorrow... But that's me - and fair warning, I'm divorced. :rofl:

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He left you out in the cold to ride the bus??????????? At night? Do you live in a dangerous neighborhood? What a....!

I'd be out that door so fast...well HE'D be out that door so fast, that way no one could say I had kidnapped the kids!

Hugs sent your way, I hope you guys can work this out.

S

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On March 15th, we will have been married for 12 of our 18 years together. There have been the occasional disagreement about what bill, or item to purchase takes priority, but nothing major, never nothing like this. Usually, he'll blow off steam, pout a bit, and tell me what's really wrong. At least twice it wasn't about money at all. (Those were our dollhouse fights-LOL and the real issue then was he was feeling jealous that the minis were getting more time than him and the kids)

This however, is unbeleiveable, and still has me shaken and confused. He truly beleives I stole "his" tax money... 'cause he always got all the credits, the big return, and used it for whatever. He is not by no-means hurting for cash, or any neccessity! I talked to my brother-in-law,(his sister's hubby) who is an accountant, and he says that NO-this is done all the time, and should have been done all along-but he won't even listen to him. So, there's not much more I can do or say, or want to say or do, and I've paid some bills-so that money is water under the bridge. Guess all I can do is make sure I'm well-dressed for this crappy freezing weather we are having here, and wait till my punishment is over, so to speak. At some point, I hope, he'll come out of his man cave and speak about what it going on in that head of his. Yes, a few choice names for him have come to mind too!

I'm so thankful for all of you, my online family and friends, as this would be so much harder to swallow, were I trying to deal with it alone.

Mny thanks for listening to me rant!

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He did WHAT?!?!?!?

Sue, you have the patience of a saint. I know what I would do in the situation and it would not be pleasant for DH. I lived in a marriage where this kind of thing happened all the time, I divorced him. Not saying that that's what you should do, far from it. But, I'm begging you, please, don't let him get away with treating you like this. Leaving you like that is not fair, no matter what the reason.

Terri

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If my husband ever pulled that he would be out on his ear in no time. Public transportation at that time is very dangerous. What would he have done if something had happened to you during that little hissy fit of his?!? Hopefully this gets cleared up quickly so that you are not put into that kind of a situation again.

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Okay..Andrew and Holly said it best.

First off, if he wanted to be rational about it he would have let this go. You could have also done what many divorced couples do with children. One year he claims the kids, the next year you claim the kids. So that it is kind of even.

But the fact remains that all that money is both of yours. Not just his alone. The only money that I do not touch in our relationship is when Fred gets his anniversary bonus every year. But that was always my decision to say, " That is YOURS to have fun with!" He never said it was his and I could not have it. I just felt that we do not have many times to go have a spending spree, so when that money comes in, he should get to enjoy it. He usually gives me some anyway without me asking.

But to act like a little baby about it speaks volumes to you. Time to start really thinking about this. Him having a temper tantrum over some money, no matter how great or small, is wrong. He could be pissed for a bit because he had plans for it but if he was an understanding partner he would have realized that it is more fair.

I would have reamed him up and down and all around when I got home..oh boy..the neighbors would have bought ring side seats to that event! LOL

(((((BIG HUGS)))))

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I feel compelled to write a response...

Suzanne. I am so appalled on your behalf. For several reasons. 1) the fact that he lets you have a deficit in your taxes each year while he has a large sum to spend on himself. they are both of your kids and this is disgusting to me (2) he spends the money on himself and not his children or his family, this is completely disgusting and selfish (3) his leaving you to fend for yourself with the transportation last night is so completely sickening. what a selfish prick. makes me wonder what other behavior you put up with. I'm so sorry you are going thru this. He sounds completely selfish and self centered.

on one hand i can see why you have separate finances. i used to hand over my paychecks to my ex and he would buy whatever he wanted. i would get a piddly allowance, basically nothing. if i spent more on the grocery budget or incidentals for the house like cleaning supplies, i didn't get an "allowance". So if i were ever married again i'd say HELL no to having a joint account. but i do think that as a married couple there needs to be joint pooling of financial resources....mortgage, children, bills, purchases made for *the family*...not just one selfish self centered jerk.

I'll keep you in my thoughts. You didn't steal money from him. you did the right thing, once you realized that option was available to you. look at it this way, he's been stealing money from you and your children all these years...to buy himself a new toy each year. that is stealing from you and the children...the fact that he's been claiming the kids each year and you go into a deficit as a result...that is stealing from you and the kids. that's how i see it. He's been stealing from you all these years. How dare he get angry.

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Guess all I can do is make sure I'm well-dressed for this crappy freezing weather we are having here, and wait till my punishment is over, so to speak.

This statement makes me very very sad. You are not a child. You should NOT have a punishment. You don't need to feel this way...

His behavior is abusive. Plain and simple.

S

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I can handle getting home, and know how to stay safe in doing so. I'm not going to compound issues by throwing an equally childish tamtrum. If I ever did end up living on my own, I'd be getting home this same way. I am not above however, telling everyone who asks, his friends included, why, I'm bussing it, and let the shame they will dump on him work it's own magic! They will tell him to give his head a shake.

For the most part DH is a great fellow, generally very generous, caring and supportive-this is way "off the wall", and mindboggling. Maybe my SIS is right, she says some men go through episodes when they hit the decade marks and start reassessing their worth by what they have, or have not achieved in life yet. ?? And it doesn't matter what sets them off, since they already have internal issues going on, everybody, and everything is to be blamed and lashed out at. She's the counselor by trade, not me-so I won't make excuses for his being a jerk right now! LOL

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Please remember to take good care of yourself (and the children) no matter what!

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None of us can speak to your personal situation. We can, however, offer you our ears and our support in this and any other of life's problems. I won't offer you anymore advice than I already have.. I will offer you my support.

You know whats best for you in this situation. Good luck

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Well, I was divorced after 27 years of marriage. I know SOME men go nuts at certain points as you said. Anyway, I'm proud of myself for keeping my big mouth shut on this one.....and it wasn't easy.........and offer you my unwaivering support! In my thoughts! :rofl:

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I'd love to get his phone number, call him and give him a piece of my mind. That

he would be so petty and childish boggles my mind. I hope someone slaps some sense into him soon.

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I want your address so I can pick you up in a warm car and kick him (you can guess where).

Do you do his laundry? Stop. Make him dinner? Stop. To have him say you are stealing from him is horrible. He is stealing from you and the children. Where does the money come from to pay the deficit? He is taking food from your childrens mouths. I would tell all his friends and family. Shame on him. Make him apologize. For a long time.

Go get driving lessons. Suck it up and learn!

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Hee hee... my dad had a great idea! Next time he decides he's not providing transportation - call a limo!!! :groucho: I think that's an excellent use of your new-found mad money.

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Sue - Like everyone else, I am saddened, appalled, pissed, disgusted, amazed, and shocked that someone's husband would act like this. I just don't know what to say.

I too would come and pick you up from work in a nice warm car.

I'm so sorry you're going through this Sue - just know that you DON'T HAVE TO. :no: Someone needs to knock this guy down a notch or two! :) :lol: :p :groucho:

My initial thoughts - who cooks the meals, shops for the food, does the laundry, the dishes, cleans the bathrooms and vacuums the house?

Need I say more? Arggghhhhh - where's my soap box?

You're in my thoughts and prayers. Consider yourself hugged and loved! Keep us posted.

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Hafta agree with what a few folks here have been saying, get driving lessons. You should be old enough to avoid thew crappy driver's ed nonsense too. Get a real instructor. These days you HAVE to be able to drive to survive. Guess how hubby's gonna feel when you really become self sufficient and independent. He'll stop this whinging BS real quick when he realizes you don't need him. Love, maybe, want, okay, never need anyone. You are so much stronger when you develop the tools to make it on your own.

Am I saying walk out? Not at all, but how do you think dear hubby will feel if you could. When he knows you're not reliant on him, for basic stuff like getting places. Sorry, just my opinion.

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:groucho: for Andrew! Well put!

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I don't understand. You are partners right? Why is this stealing. You are a single entity. Am I naive?

I just don't get it. It's not your money or his money it is the family's money.

Lisa R.

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Andrew is Doogster, Pamela J.

I'll be just fine guys. Posting this topic has actually got me to open up, to my Lil Sister who is a B.S.W AND OTHER LETTERS(lol) in a more professional, sort of way than I ever have, and she has sent me some really good litterature. She deals mostly at the time being in human emotions, addictions to alcohol /drugs, love, sex, power and control, money management, battering etc.. As a rule I try never to burden folks with my problems, or involve others in my personal issues. I just feel so close to you all, and I'm quite happy I did. Many Thanks Again! I also have a sister who is a police officer and who is married to one as well, so if a beating were ever to be needed, she laughed and said, it certainly could be arranged LOL-- SERIOUSLY, I will most definitely look into driving lessons. I consider myself pretty resourceful, and somewhat smart, but by golly, I really never entertained that thought! It's kinda looking for the missing trim peice, and have someone pull it out from under your nose! :groucho:

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Thank you Sue - I looked at everyone's real name and didn't see anyone named Andrew.

You sound much better now and I'm so glad you have a good support system in your siblings. That's got to be very comforting for you. Keep your chin up and remember -

you have to watch out for #1 because no one else is going to. And if you don't take care of yourself, you're not going to be much help to others (your kids).

We're pulling for you and we're here for you! :groucho:

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I used to be a pushover many years ago and was not always treated well. Long story. But I had someone teach me that I was worth something and had brains and to stand my ground. If you are pushed and you push back, it causes confrontation, but if you stand firm, you will gain respect.

So while I said earlier to stop doing anything for him, don't do that and lower yourself to his standards. Just do it on YOUR time schedule. If he says he is out of socks, don't run and do a load of wash immediately if you were not planning on doing it until the next day. Leave it til the next day. Let him wash his own socks in the meantime.

Go get a license. And a car. Use the money that would have paid some bill he cares about (like the cable) - he can pay that bill.

I'll tell you a story. I asked my (first) husband if he had plans for friday night. He said no. So I said I was going to go out with my girlfriend. Thursday, he says he has decided to go out friday since I am. I said he had to find a sitter since I had my plans first. He said that was my job. I said no sitter, no go out. He just didn't come home from work friday and went out. I had to cancel my plans. I kept my mouth shut about it. Sooo, I waited until he said he was going out with his friends. He came home to change. I left while he was in the shower, leaving a note on the table that I was going out for the evening. I did it to him twice. He apologized and we never had a problem like that again. So see? Get a license and sometime when you are out, leave him and take the car home and let him catch a bus. Then when he gets home, give him a kiss and say 'glad you made it.'

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