How do you deal with a coworker you don't get along with?

43 posts in this topic

It always interested me the types of people with agendas that moved into administrative positions in the education field.

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Wow, getting that off my chest last night really worked. I did not think about it at all after that. Thanks to this site I was able to unload it and set it free..LOL

I woke up this morning and the snow is still out there..bummer! There is always this weekend! YeeHaaaw! 60 degrees come on baby.

I also woke up this morning to a wicked charlie horse in my front calf. I popped a couple motrin and it is calming down. I wanted to say that I am happy to report that the fish in the tank are all doing well. In the mornings they all like to congregate next to the heater. No one is sickly or had died. I bought an algae eater yesterday so he/she can start cleaning the sides of the tank. I think out of all of them I like the dalmation molly the most. I also like the glass fish at night when the light is on.

I am going to glue down the tiles today. I will start on that after Nat goes to school.

The sun is coming up brightly and making me feel happy. It is the time you can tell a difference in it. Meaning you know Spring is coming soon.

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Okay, I could have SWORN I was typing in What are you doing today? Eh. I will fix it when I am more awake..LOL

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Andrea

I think his behavior smacks of sexual harrassment. Anyone who has worked their way up to management should be able to eat lunch alone. This is not high school where he needs to be part of a group. Next time he asks I would look him in the eye and say "No." Keep very good notes on what he is doing, saying, with times and dates. If he talks about computer help ask him specifically what he needs to learn. If it is something you can help with print out the instructions and put on his desk. If not remind him of the IT number. Be pleasant but do not give into his behavior. Do your work to the best of your ability. Do not attack him in anyway, with words or actions. This will be over soon. In these tough economic times you do not want to be without a job. I once had a manager from another department come to where I worked, tell me a joke comparing his male organ to something else'. I looked him straight in the eye and asked how he thought Human Resources would react with information like that and what did he think it would be like to have a sexual harrassment complaint in his file. He did not repond, just walked a way. I told my manager what happened and that if it ever happened again I would file a complaint. The idiot never approached me again. Good luck. Rita

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Today, as always, he approached me to ask what my lunch plans were. I told him "Lunch is my time to get away from this place, this job, and each and every one of my coworkers, including everying in this office and this company. I don't know what my plans are, but I do know when I'll be leaving for lunch." He looked at me and replied "I tell everyone they should get out for lunch and leave the office behind, that sounds like a fine plan." He looked quite hurt that I don't want to eat with him, but he also understood I don't ever want to eat with him.

And today I also told him that I want him to give me a clear list of what expects from me for that day. If he has something else, he needs to add it to the list. If he questions what I'm doing, just look at the list, is that item crossed off? Then it's not done. This should save me some headache.

And I've explained that I do not have the temperment to be an instructor of any kind. I explained that everything I've learned I've done so by poking around in the program and teaching myself. Again, he looked quite hurt, but I was firm in my insistance that if he needs help learning, he should go to his peers or superiors, not his subordinates.

And for me I've decided to light my Lampe Berger at least 3 times a day in an effort to stay relaxed. It's working so far!

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Best of luck. It will be time to move on, in no time. Hang in there.

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Update:

Since I mentioned to him that my lunch is my time, we've been on a much better basis. I think it helped him realize I'm not there to be his friend. He hasn't mentioned lunchtime to me once since then!

In all other matters I have attempted to be firm but kind when giving him lessons on anything. I will teach him everything I know, but only once. He seems to be better an writing notes to himself rather than asking me the same thing over and over.

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Well, I finally resolved my problem and told them I wouldn't be back next year. The stress is affecting my health and I have enough of that to deal with at home right now. So now I have to get busy and find another job for next year. But it reaches a point where it's just not worth it anymore.

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Today, as always, he approached me to ask what my lunch plans were. I told him "Lunch is my time to get away from this place, this job, and each and every one of my coworkers, including everying in this office and this company. I don't know what my plans are, but I do know when I'll be leaving for lunch." He looked at me and replied "I tell everyone they should get out for lunch and leave the office behind, that sounds like a fine plan." He looked quite hurt that I don't want to eat with him, but he also understood I don't ever want to eat with him.

And today I also told him that I want him to give me a clear list of what expects from me for that day. If he has something else, he needs to add it to the list. If he questions what I'm doing, just look at the list, is that item crossed off? Then it's not done. This should save me some headache.

And I've explained that I do not have the temperment to be an instructor of any kind. I explained that everything I've learned I've done so by poking around in the program and teaching myself. Again, he looked quite hurt, but I was firm in my insistance that if he needs help learning, he should go to his peers or superiors, not his subordinates.

I think some of your comments were unnecessarily cruel and hurtful. If you are hard to get along with, intolerant and unforgiving, then you have enough personality problems of your own to deal with. Focus on dealing with your own weaknesses and stop worrying about his. You have enough to do there.

I checked your profile and see you are only 30. I am not sure what you mean when you call your boss "old", but I can tell you that after you are well into your 40s, it gets harder and harder to find a job. The position he has may not be what he wants, and this town may not be where he wants to be, but it may be the only opportunity he had. It's hard to understand that when you are young and the world is your oyster, but it really does happen.

The way you turned down lunch in this quote was particularly nasty. It would have been enough to say that you need time away from the office and your coworkers to decompress. It helps you handle stress. If the quote was indeed your phrasing, then you need to become more aware of how you sound to others. You can be firm and specific without being impolite. It's a charming and useful skill to have.

And yes, it is your job to teach him certain things, just as others have taken time to teach you. It's called teamwork. It is, however, perfectly reasonable to insist that he take notes as you teach, so he can refer to them when he does this later. That's what I did with a coworker who needed to learn a new skill on the computer. She didn't want to take notes, but I finally explained to her then when she wanted me to walk her through it each and every time she used the program, I was essentially doing her job and my job suffered. She needed to learn to do it on her own because I couldn't keep doing both our jobs. I was nice about it, but once she saw it my way she made more of an effort to learn and retain the info. You can do the same thing with your boss. When he asks you to teach him, ask for an extension on a task he wanted done ASAP, because the lesson will take time away from the critical task. He will ask you less often.

It really is in your best interest to be more polite and more patient. It will make the situation better and make you a better person. This man is your boss, and may need to write your performance reiview. If you are difficult to work with, this could hurt you in the end. And also, Karma is a b****.

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Getting along with your co-workers is a plus, all right. For one, having friends at work is nice, and it makes working more pleasant. It shows your boss that you are capable of being in an administrative position, as well, when you show that you can deal with these problem people in a mature and pleasant manner.

And if you just can't do it, or have tried repeatedly as I have, then maybe it's time to look for another job. I loved the other people I work with and will miss them. But if I find myself avoiding my superior, which I have-then it's time for me to look elsewhere for a job-old or not! We all have to work nowadays, in order to survive. But life is too short and mental health too important, to spend 40 hours a week being miserable, or have the stress from work affect our life outside the job.

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Sherry, I can certainly relate to that! I left school health because we got a new DON at the Health Department I learned early on I couldn't trust, and I finally went back to the State Hospital to avoid a serious back-stabbing. It only took a little over a year for him to go and for a new DON have my former supervisor hire me back!

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Maybe we agree with the message Jeri was trying to send, but I can't help feeling it was said just as cruelly as the behavior she described, and might have better been expressed directly to Andrea in a PM, and perhaps in a way that she might actually read over & think about, instead of possibly becoming angry & defensive; if I were a casual lurker reading any of this thread, at this point I'd think, What a nasty bunch! and delete this site from my favorites.

I appreciate that we can come here when we're feeling upset, but whether we start a thread, or just post to it, I wish we'd take the time to read it over; even better, have someone else take a look at it (or save it before posting to look over later) to decide if we really want the whole world seeing what we might reveal about ourselves.

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Same principle, Holly. We should all try to treat others in a courteous and pleasant manner whether at work or in our leisure time. If nothing else, it makes people you don't like, mad, when you don't react to their rudeness. I always tell my students, when someone is ugly to you, and you get mad, they win!

Besides, frowning causes ugly wrinkles...I wanna have 'smile' wrinkles!

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Besides, frowning causes ugly wrinkles...I wanna have 'smile' wrinkles!
Besides, smiling takes fewer muscles & is a natural face-lifter! Besides, as Li'l Abner's Mammy Yokum used to say, Good is better'n evil 'cause it's nicer.

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I don't feel the least bit offended by any responses in this thread. I am the only one who knows what the situation in my office actually is. I don't feel I handled things inappropriate for this situation. Perhaps in a different situation things might have been different.

I do greatly appreciate the different views, it really is interesting.

I am quite happy to say that Friday was the most productive day we've ever had as a team! We're giving a presentation next week and everyone is finally pulling their own weight, so we're now ahead of schedule.

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