Ever been so angry at a Doctor, you cried in the office??

[chattycathy66]

Hi all, haven't been on this part of the forum lately, been actually trying to mini ^_^

To try and make a long story short...has anyone ever cried at the drs office because of the way they talked to you?? I've had arthritis in my knees for the past 30 yrs (started when I was 12 and they said it was growning pains...lol...but I've just dealt with the pain over time--take ibuprofen when it gets really bad...rest when I really really need to. I have a pretty high pain tolerance.

About 2 1/2 yrs ago, the right knee got really bad--different kind of pain ( I thought it was just stress on my knee trying to walk my crazy dog), and after my primary care dr. told me it was just arthritis, I waited about 10 months--didn't do much yard work, spent lots of time sitting with my knee up. Finally, Sept 2007,I told him I wanted a MRI--he agreed, and boy did he call me personally and eat this words...it showed moderate fluid in the knee joint and a degerated medial meniscus. I went to an orthopedic who gave me a cortisone shot, which was heavenly--lasted about 9 months and they it got worse again....and I waited another 6 months before I went to another orthopedic( my insurance changed)--he wasn't really impressed and was a little condescending, but lightened up a bit...gave me a cortisone shot (Dec 2008) which lasted about a little over 2 months...so I waited til 3 months( minimum time I was told to get another). So went to see him last Wed (on only a couple hours sleep, unfortunately). Basically, in not as harsh as these words, but close, told me I have arthritis, there is no cure, just basically have to deal with--"live my life around my knee...not make my knee work around my life." This really hit home...I asked him does that mean that I won't be able to do yard work, will just have to work at my job, and come home and rest my knee?? He said yes! I told him that I have dealt with arthritis for 30 yrs (first knees, now in hips, hands, shoulders--you know the drill) and this pain in my knee feels different. Even exercising in a pool hurts the entire time and makes it so much worse! Asked if my meniscus couldn't have gotten worse in a year and half..He just said 'you have arthritis"...you're too young for a knee replacement, arthroscopic surgery won't help...you can just get cortisone shots every 3 months, and know they will last for shorter and shorter time. I had already started crying by then. The thought that I'm 42 yrs old, and will have to live like this for the rest of my life, is unacceptable--and I will tell you why, shortly. He said I should think about getting a cortisone shot that day--I said 'yes, do it", but then I mentioned that I was going to Washington DC with DS's class in May...and he told me to wait 6 of 8 more weeks so I know it wont' wear off too soon. I don't take too much ibuprofen because it eats up my stomach, even with food and taking prevacid --plus I"m on blood pressure medication-the kind you should take antiinflammatories with. I know I need to lose weight...but that's not the whole problem.

Ok, I know I'm not special--I'm not alone...other people have it worse, at least I can walk and get around...and just keep pushing myself. Maybe I am whining---but of all the patients I've taken care of over the last 18 yrs, most of those with arthritis are over 50. We spend hundreds of thousands of dollars caring for the prisoners I see on a daily basis (we are a step down unit, but because of security, they stay on our unit.), we do open heart surgery on people in their mid-80's, put pacemakers in 90 yr olds (which I think is fantastic, if they have a good quality of life) We do endless chemo and radiation on people who are near death--and it's obviously futile--but they deserve it if they want it...and that's just the tip of the iceberg....now he's telling me there's no way he can help me?? I just have to live with it...he just talked to me like I was a stupid baby! I was so angry at him, that I cried everytime I thought of it for about 2 days....and it's really rare that I cry unless it's watching a sad movie,lol. I know there's other injections they can give--and my first orthopedic told me he'd do arthroscopy if I didn't have enough relief with the cortisone.

So I've decided to see my internist and ask for another MRI --it's been a year and half since the last one--I can't take such an old one to the next orthopedic to get a second opinion. ( I am going to a well recommended Dr. who works with the group in SouthBend who take care of the Notre Dame(college) football team--I'm sure I'll have to wait quite a while, but what's the diff) If this Dr. tells me it's "just arthritis"--deal with it...that's exactly what I will do--get my cortisone shots every 3 months( can't believe they don't hurt that bad in the knee!) But...I will never go back to that obnoxious Dr. who made me cry,lol.

thanks for letting me vent...not sure why this whole thing makes me so upset, I guess it's the potential for loss of independence..loss of control, and the thought that once I make it another 20 or so years of working...I'm probably not going to be able to enjoy it if things keep going this way...sorry for the long message!

[havanaholly]

Absolutely get a second opinion, and a third or fourth, if necessary! The orthopedist who made you cry is a jerk! (BTW, the only times I cry are when I'm very angry or in total empathy.) You get someone who will do the arthroscopic surgery before your knees totally cripples you, and then you find an activity & someone to share it with that will work all your joints and keep you limber & flexible (I don't take IBU or other anti-inflammatories for the same reason; I've had the Itis boys, Bursey & Arthur, since my late 20s); walking's a good start and bicycling and paddling are alos good; or join a gym and work with a trainer there. One of the side-benies is possibly some weightloss, too.

[lmgervais]

I agree with Holly, you need another opinion ^_^ . That dr who made you cry is a major black spot on all the better dr's out there.

I had one tell me at age 18 or 19 never to have children because I have polycystic kidney disease and had a 50/50 chance of passing on the bad gene - I felt it was none of his business to tell me what I can or cannot do in that case and I never went back to see him again! Didn't listen to him either! I have 3 children.

Good for you for getting an appointment for another MRI. You shouldn't have to live with so much pain.

On a side note, my brother (who is 49 now) had some type of arthritis in his knee(s?) when he was a teenage. He was told that, if he didn't have surgery, he would end up in a wheelchair by age 25. Had the surgery in 1977, when he was 17, and has been fine ever since has far as I know. (1977 was a year from h*** for my family, but that is another storey!)

[champagne]

I agree with everyone else and get a second opinion and get another MRI. You may also want to consider a neurosurgeon as they are very well equipped to deal with orthopaedic problems.

I wish you the best!!

[nechee]

That Doctor was a total jerk, for lack of a better word that will not getted censored. YOu definately need a asecond opinion. About 6 years ago I was told by 2 different doctors that I would never get pregnant. They said that getting pregnant would be impossible for me. 2 Months after they told me this I was pregnant with my now 5 year old son. I also have a 3 year old and a 2 year daughters. So doctors do not know everything and they are wrong. Get a second opinion and another MRI and see what you can do after that.

[Wolfie]

Some doctors should be taken out. They have no bedside manner, and frankly frighten people with their overbearing opinions. Remember they are only practicing. They haven't got it right yet.

Yes, get all the opinions you can, and go with that information....and make an intelligent decision on what to do. Too much cortesone can't be that good for you.

[Meleah]

You alone know your own body, and if this feels different, then don't give up until you find someone to help you. You just have to be straightforward with them up front. Tell them that you will not accept "Deal with it" as an answer. You know more can be done, and you are not going to stop until you find answers.

When I was about 22, I went to the dr for a kidney infection. While I was there I wanted to talk with him (mainly to get a referral to a gyn) about why I wasn't getting pregnant. My husband and I had been trying for a little over a year at that time. The discussion turn to my weight. I have always yo yo'd with my weight and at that time had just lost about 45 pounds. I was very happy and proud of myself for that accomplishment. Until the dr made the comment "Dear Lord, woman! What did you weigh before?" I was crushed. Of course I started bawling my eyes out. Thankfully my husband was there with me, I don't think I could have driven home.

Don't give up. There are good drs out there, they are just few and far between. You just have to remember that this drs job is to help you, and that you are not there just to fatten his checkbook. In a way, you have to go in to a drs visit stubborn and angry and not willing to take no for an answer. They are there for you, you are not there for them.

[heidiiiii]

I am so sorry.They Do give people YOUNGER then you knee replacement surgery here in CT. Our old neighbor`s son was in his 30s when he had it done. So he is talking about of his backside.

I am totally with you on this. I am dealing with Dr. Wet Noodle, the neurologist. I have decided I am not gonna cry. I am gonna get mad. Dump him and move on.

I will be thinking of you and wishing you much luck in your path to wellness.

[dragonlady1380]

sorry u went thru that. i cryied today at the dr's but it wasnt at the gp but at the fertility dr's letter. basically this fertility dr has said they he thinks my hubby and i wud make unfit parents and doesnt think we shud have ivf. he never told us this at our last appointment. i wont give up tho how dare he and who is he to say we wud be unfit just because im ill and i will be for life doesnt mean i wud put my child in danger there r plenty of parents out there in worse conditions than me and they dont have their kids taken from them. im so angry with him and i wont give up fighting as this is our only chance for a child as we cant aford to go private and we dont qualify for adoption because of being ill too. we dont even know if this dr has put us on the waiting list like he said he wud or not. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[AuntDee]

Cathy, I am about 20 years older than you and was recently diagnosed with arthritis in my r knee and r shoulder. I suspected as such for sometime, but when I twisted my knee last September I had to use a maake shift walker (plastic lawn chair) for 2 weeks before I finally gave in and saw my Dr. Xrays and a MRI showed arthritis in the joint. My dr thinks there is a"loose" body in the joint that hangs up on the joint causeing the pain and immobility. I saw an orthopedic specialist who was absolutely no help at all. He hadn't even looked at my chart before coming into the exam room. Nor had his nurse before him as she told me he would want xrays and MRI and when I told her they were done she had to go look at the chart. She got them up on the computer for him. I repeated to him the same about the tests and he just said "OH". Came back into the room and said "You have arthritis and the cartilidge in your knee is rough and when you bend your knee a certain way the rough carltidge get hung up on rough edges of the joint. Nothing can be done!" I asked if it would happen again and he replied "Yes". He offered no suggestions for preventive care and I had to point blank ask what I should do if it happened again. His response was to call my physcian and get a cortisone shot. I will not see that Dr again. I have been very careful this winter and have made sure I have a walking stick when trying to navigate the ice roads and parking lots. I garden and sell at Farmer's Markets in the summer so I do have to get down on my knees frequently, so we will see how it goes. I will not start the cortixone routine. I find warmth helps. I keep mobile. If I sit too long the knee joint seems to lock in place. Find what works for you and follow it and do not give up. Find a dr who will work with you. We can't always get the answers we want but we can at least have a caring physcian will work with us to make life comfortable. Rita

[pixiedrea]

I understand the crying because of anger. I cry when I get angry, which only upsets me more. I'm a petite woman and when I cry out of anger it gets misconstrued(sp?) by a lot of folks as a weakness or sadness. It's all I can do to keep from turning bright red with a teardrop running down my face when I get truly upset.

I, too have had "growing pains" since I was about 12 (for about 19 yrs now). I've always been pretty active, and the pain comes and goes. I don't take much for it other than ibu, and I don't take that often. Fortunately mine isn't bad enough for surgery, mostly just unpleasant. If and when it does progress into something more painful/debillitating, I'll press for whatever it's going to take to make it better.

Good luck in finding a new doctor, and always remember that they are there to help you, it's in their oath.

[Selkie]

Definitely get a different MD. Even if it is prudent to wait for the knee replacement or the other surgeries won't work, they should be addressing your quality of life NOW !!!!! That is in-excusable. Shame on him for making you feel so vulnerable.

I have really bad knees among many other bad joints and know how debilitating it can feel. I live on long-acting pain prescription meds supplemented with ibuprophen 4 tabs, 4xday for inflammation. Of course, I'm quite a bit older than you but the quality of life should be the main concern - no matter what !!!

There are definitely some better pain meds out there though. You might look into Ultram. There is a long acting version of that. It is great for some people.

Mine are bone on bone and apart from knee replacement, there is nothing else left. I've been the injection route and the hyaluronan injections - mine was Supartz - there are other brands. All of them are considered temporary aids or fixes.

My MD respects that I don't want the surgery right now and am choosing pain management instead. The ortho and the primary understand and respect my concerns and limitations. Eventually I will have the surgery - my husband already had both his replaced. His are great now.

Good luck with the new MD and keep the squeaky wheel squeaking til it gets attention.

[havanaholly]

I can no longer use my knees very well, nor get up from the floor without a lot of physical contortion, and watching me get out of my kayak after a long paddle is a HOOT! I yelp when the pain gets bad, but I'm not going to stop being physically as active as I can.

Doctors are human, I grew up with two in the family and so I'm not one to sit there and take whatever one tells me without a lot of questions when I don't like or understand what I'm hearing. Medical schools apparently still don't teach humane communication along with the YOU-ARE-GOD courses.

[THmini2]

I had the knee resurfacing and it has held up good. I am starting to have some problems starting the last few weeks, but not as bad as I was about 5 years ago. I had a tear in my mensia (sp?), bone on bone and a few other problems. I am 53. While in there they scraped the back of the knee cap, because it was so rough, fixed the tear, and drilled holes in the kneecap so that scar tissue would form between the bones. I had a wonderful dr. But he said that to get a knee replacement this early could cause other problems. At that time they would only last 5-8 years and you could only get 2 in your lifetime. At that rate I could end up in a wheelchair or in alot worse pain by the time I was in my 60's. But things do change and he said that by the time ths resurfacing wears down again or the pain gets bad again. The life expectacy might be longer for the knee replacements. But you can ask about the resurfacing and see if that is an option. I know this doesn't work for everyone, but it might be an option at your age. I hope that you can find a Dr as caring as I had.

[chellebelle]

I hope you feel much better soon, and find a competent doctor to help you have a better quality of life.

[chattycathy66]

I've always said this, but I have to say it again...you guys are the greatest!!! Thank you for all the experiences that tell me I"m not crazy,lol! I've talked to a few people, but few of them have the kind of experiencs I had...so they try to commiserate with me the best they can...Sometimes you just need someone to keep listening.

The only funny part of my story is how the Dr. kept saying "you have to listen to your knee"--so when my husband called on his way home from work the other day, he asked if I had gotten something from the store--I said "no, my knee told me not to go shopping", that got a little chuckle, then he asked what I was thinking about for dinner....I said, Well, I talked with my knee and it told me that I shouldn't make dinner I should just sit her in bed with my feet up and just keep messing around on the computer"...it felt so funny saying that...he knows I wasn't serious, but I just had to let off some sarcasm...

Gosh Dawn, that's horrible for a Dr to tell you wouldn't make a good parent--he should be strangled!--when I hear people who have chronic conditions say they want a baby....at first reason says, yes that's right...but my head and heart always quote Julia Roberts in Steel Magnolias when she said something like , "I'd rather have a minute of wonderful rather than a lifetime of nothing special" ( Iknow those weren't the exact words) You'll regret NOT trying to have a baby more than you'll ever regret having one!

I know there are tons of people out there with problems like mine (not just arthritis) who wind up with these doctors who barely look at the chart, and have their diagnosis and prognosis cemented in stone!! I just coudn't believe that he would tell someone as young as me....I still feel younger than 42 and most people think I'm in my 30's--but I guess since I"m not an athlete, or a gorgeous leggy blonde (for whom not being able to wear stilletos would be a disgrace for all of "man"kind), or a millionaire, he didn't really think my life was of value---maybe that's the most hurtful thing. I always feel when you go to a Dr., you are going for help and some support---I'm not stupid, I know there's no cure, but they should want to make things easier for their patients. I just know he had his mind made up the minute he walked into the room.

I'm going to stay as active as possible---I might not get to kayak, Holly...but I'm not going to lay down and take it.

Thanks to each and every one of you...I'm so sorry to hear of how Drs treat people---good luck to everyone that we find someone who will listen to us ^_^

[Abunai]

I know I'm a little late in the game for this thread but... Yes! Yes I have. I went to the urgent care last fall with horrible stomach pains. The doctor walked in and said to me "I have never met you, what do you expect me to do after 5 on a friday?" And she said it with this tone like stop wasting my time you idiot! I started crying, she walked out. I picked up my coat and left. Later I was bummed that I didn't get her name because I would have LOVED to report her.

Also less shocking but still not great treatment by a doc, I was involved in a lot of sports back in the day. I hurt my back when I was 16. To this day I have bad back pain from it, and shooting numbness. I have been to 3 different doctors about it, and only 1 has actually looked at my spine! They all wrote it off as muscle tension (too young to have it be anything else... of course ^_^ ). Gave me awful drugs that I couldn't take and sent me on my way, I still haven't gotten it fixed.

Last story I promise. My roomate in college went in thinking she had the flu, the doc yelled at her and said "you're just hungover, go home" just because she was a college student! Yeah, she turned out to have pnemonia and was hospitalized for a week!

Sorry for your troubles! I hope the pain subsides!

[butlerestates]

So sorry about this! As many have already told you see another doctor. Some just are jerks and believe it or not do not want to be bothered. My sister told me last week that she had gone to a doctor for a sinus infection and he says to her "have you ever tried slim fast?" How rude is that? she is a little chunky but not obese in any way and even if she was that was totally rude. So just because they have a degree they totally lack a personality ^_^

[lmgervais]

On a different note, some dr's are absolutely wonderful :jumping: ! If it wasn't for our family dr seeing J-F on the friday morning of Jan 23/2009 (the date will be in my mind for a long time) without an appointment and sending us straight to the hospital, even he said the next week that J-F could have died in his sleep that weekend! I just love my family dr, and that is just one of many examples of why! Heck, I'd marry him if we weren't both married to other people! (Just kidding, I love my DH too much to ever leave him, as he does me :jumping: )

Also, my kidney specialist is wonderful too, even though nothing can really be done for me.

For some dr's I have to spend some time in the waiting room until it's my turn (yes, it can be a long time), but I have the attitude that the good/great ones are worth waiting for :yes: !

Now, the psychiatrist that I went to see once told me that if I had a problem with my husband to get rid of him - he didn't even ask what kind of problem it was or how serious it was! Never went to see that jerk again!

[havanaholly]

I'm going to stay as active as possible---I might not get to kayak, Holly...but I'm not going to lay down and take it.

You don't have to kayak, although it's a lot of fun! But you already have the idea!

"I have never met you, what do you expect me to do after 5 on a friday?"

I would have said something smart a** like, I thought you took the Hippocratic Oath, not the hypocritic one, you calloused (female canine), I came in here in excruciating pain, foolishly thinking you might be competent enough to help me! and then stormed out to the nearest ER (NEVER ever ignore intense stomach pain!).

[KarenC]

Unfortunately, a lot of docs have issues (read prejudice) against women and their "complaints." I deal with multiple, multiple docs on a daily basis and have seen/transcribed reports for thousands over the years. You can always tell the misogynist just from the way he talks about his female patients in reports in all kinds of little ways, like the use of female when talking about women, but with men it's always gentleman, not male. I've not encounted it so much with younger docs, but mostly with older ones. So, like a lot have suggested, get a second opinion or even a third. You shouldn't have to be in pain and the fact that he didn't offer to give you something stronger than over-the-counter meds suggests that he thinks you are faking and/or exaggerating your pain.

BTW, I cry too when I get angry and I just hate that about myself and do my best to supress it, but sometimes you just can't. You ARE NOT a big baby. You are a patient in pain and deserve to be treated as such.

karen

[Margaret]

I have an exception to the male-female stereotype.I was with a female doctor who diagnosed me with a large fibroid.I was very anemic.As nothing was getting done,I switched to a male doctor.By this time,I was so anemic he was surprised I had any energy.My iron level was + or - 1.After 5 weeks of iron shots and a month of iron pills,he finally listened to me and worked on getting me my hysterectomy.I feel oh so much better now-I just wanted to let you know that there are a few male doctors who care.

[SallyG]

I, myself, have had psoriatic arthritic since I was 15, so I can sympathize. Have you given any thought to the new injectable drugs. If you fit the criteria, they may be worth a try.

[chattycathy66]

I agree Liza, there are some great doctors! My surgeon who diagnosed my breast cyst...even though my OB/GYN said he couldn't feel it...my primary dr now...he's great! My 3 kids family practice doctors--they're a married couple and they are just wonderful!!!! Unfortunately, I've met 3x as many rotten doctors than great ones!!

unfortunately this wasn't my first experience with jerk Drs --after my 3rd child was born, I was having numbness on my right side, weakness in my arms and legs, and I was dropping things all the time--almost my infant daughter-- I chose a neurologist who told me I was anxious and depressed and was stuck on having multiple sclerosis, like my dad!!! When I asked if it could be from sleep apnea(which I had a mild case of), he looked at me like I was nuts! I saw another neurologist, who told me it could be from lots of asparatame and caffeine...I thought that was possilbe, after reading up on it. About 6 months later, I ended up with a blood pressure of 220/120--finally my doctor at the time agreed to order another sleep study==half way through the night, the tech told me I had severe sleep apnea, and put me on a cpap. After using cpap for about a week , the numbness and tingling and weakness went away!! So much for anxious and depressed!

Like I said, I feel for everyone who has dealt with a dr like these in this thread!!

[bookmarm]

our youngest son's orthopedic doc is a jerk...a brilliant jerk, so we are not able to escape his personality. He twists the truth and is cryptic when answering questions. Hard to believe that I actually trust his vision of how we need to take care of Kellan's spinal issues.