heidiiiii Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 It is in regards to the Freebie Jeep. Fred is going to be getting it probably next month some time. I have to get all our ducks in a row..taxes, insurance, registration, emissions, etc. I have to figure out how to break the news to my friend. This is the situation. She is urine poor. Her car broke down and she has been relying on rides to and from work. Her daughter has a car that she lets her use but you know teenagers..They can be very PIA-y when they want to be. *her daughter received her money from a settlement when she was a young girl..injured on broken school yard equipment, so she bought herself a used car*. Here she has no car and we get a second free car. I would in no way even think of giving her the car or have her get it from the people who are giving it to us. With Chelsea working and Natalie`s school and social life..we need a second vehicle. There is a plus to this jeep too. I can fit bigger things in it from yard sales!! Score! LOL How do I tell her? Fred said it best. We were lucky that we fell into this. If she needs a car then she needs to hope that the same happens for her. It is Fred`s luck and it is his jeep. Even if I wanted to, I have no right to offer it to her because she needs it. I am totally on board with what he is saying. Now I have to figure out how to tell her without the drama that might become of it. There may be no drama in my face but my ears will be burning big time. I know what I have to do but I just wanted to see what you all would say or how you would handle it? I understand that if she gets so angry about this, then she is not really a true friend. I think I am afraid of what her reaction is going to be. Then I will have to let her go. Which I do not because she really makes me laugh. So go ahead...How do you break good news to someone that hasnt had any in a long time? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anna Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 Hmmm, definitley not an easy one, but I would go with Fred's suggestion I think, and hope that she will see it like that as well. A good friend would I think. Hugs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
christinee Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 My opinion may be a bit different then everyone elses, but from experience I found it works. Is there a compelling reason you have to tell her? I mean, I'm sure she will eventually see the Jeep, but unless she's a neighbor or someone who will see you drive home the car when you get it, why not just wait until she sees it on her own. Then let her ask about it and casually brush it off and say "oh yeah, someone Fred knew gave him the Jeep" and leave it at that, without details and without making a big deal of it. If she probes or asks I would be cool and casual about it and try not to discuss it much in an attempt to protect her feelings. Regardless, it's a sticky situation but I think the less you talk about it and the less of an issue you make, the better it is. I have a similar problem with my husband from time to time. He is extremely unlucky (or so he says he is, I believe it's his karma) and has a difficult time dealing with people, getting them to get things done or favors, etc. I, on the other hand am quite lucky and have no problem dealing with people and as a result, get a lot of favors, freebies, and I always get what I want (with some hard work of course and a little help from God). My husband gets jealous when I get nice things either in exchange for someone else or win things or good things go my way or I get what I want. I play it down with him and tell him it's all about personality, karma, how you interact with people and a LOT of hard work and perserverance. Things may not pay off today or tomorrow or even next week, but in time, they DO pay off. If you really feel you should tell your friend about the Jeep up front, then I would suggest instead of "hoping" something good happens to her, that she go out and make connections, work hard, network, be super nice to all her friends and give a little good-will and karma (which is always free) and put her faith in her higher power and be grateful for what she has. Perhaps you can tell your friend that if she has faith and perserverance she will get what she needs? To break the good news to someone who hasn't had any in a good time, I personally wouldn't. To me, as I said at the beginning, unless there is some compelling reason to do so, I feel it would risk hurting their feelings. I would instead focus on the positive things your friend has that so many people don't have in today's situation (i.e, a job, a place to live, etc). Just my thoughts... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Esther Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 "urine poor"???? That's a weird phrase. I don't think I'd tell her where you got it, or that you didn't have to pay for it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SallyG Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 I, too, don't see why you need to "break the news" to her. It's your jeep and your business. Why does she need to know every detail of what you and your husband do. I would not mention a word to her. When she sees it, I'd just acknowledge it as something your husband obtained, and leave it at that. It's a shame she's in the situation she's in, but there are many worse off. Getting herself a car is her responsibility, not her friends job. If she decides to throw a fit when she sees the jeep, that's a very poor reflection on her as a person. You are not responsible for her and her needs...especially these days when it's hard enough to make ends meet for our own families. I would not worry my head about it one bit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gayle Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 I agree, why do you feel the need to tell this woman your business? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uppitycats Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 This may not directly apply to you -- but I think we all live in a "TMI World" -- Too Much Information. Why does she need to know anything about how or why you got the jeep? It's really unfortunate that she is p....poor (took me awhile to figure out the urine thing! ) but that's really not your responsibility, either. Fred got the jeep, great for him, celebrate it, have fun with it...and if you are able to drive it, offer her rides from time to time... but otherwise it's YOUR business, Fred's good fortune, end of story. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chesterfieldzoo Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 It's none of her business. And you shouldn't feel obligated to tell her anything. If it comes up - don't say someone gave it to him, say he got it from someone. She doesn't need to know he got it free. If things are that hard for her, why doesn't she contact one of those places that take donated cars and ask for one? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bookmarm Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 she doesn't need to know all the details. Also it sounds like there are two of them sharing one car. It sounds like there are four in your family sharing one. I think you shouldn't feel guilty! Perhaps you can give her a lift to work occasionally. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
champagne Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 I agree, I would only say something if she says something first and then I would tell her that we had to get a second vehicle because of all the running around you both have to do. You do not have to say how much it was at all just that you are glad you could get it. PS. If that teenager lived in my house, whether she bought the car or not, I would borrow it and if she didn't want me to she could move out and try live on her own. I could not even imagine my son doing that, he would have handed me every bit of money he had if I needed it. Sometimes I wonder about today's teens. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grazhina Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 I agree, I wouldn't say anything to her about it either. If she comments on Fred's jeep, you can just say that a friend of his offered him a fantastic deal on it that he just couldn't pass up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmgervais Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 I agree, I wouldn't say anything to her about it either. If she comments on Fred's jeep, you can just say that a friend of his offered him a fantastic deal on it that he just couldn't pass up. I'll second that! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SallyG Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 Urine poor.....ok, NOW I get it....duhhhh!! Where is my brain today?? LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heidiiiii Posted March 21, 2009 Author Share Posted March 21, 2009 "urine poor"???? . I did not want to put the real phrase down. LOL Thank you for all of your comments. I guess I will just drive up with it and let the chips fall where they may. I do not know about you all, but many of us in this neck of the woods are really nosy. What is that? Where did you get it? Etc Etc. You would assume that she would just be happy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uppitycats Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 I did not want to put the real phrase down. LOL Thank you for all of your comments. I guess I will just drive up with it and let the chips fall where they may. I do not know about you all, but many of us in this neck of the woods are really nosy. What is that? Where did you get it? Etc Etc. You would assume that she would just be happy. Yeah, we country folk like to ask question. The bottom line, though -- you don't have to answer them! "It's my husband's jeep. He got a really good deal on it" should suffice. And then change the subject. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
butlerestates Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 Ok so I'm a little late joining in on the subject but I can't imagine a true friend being jelous of you even if you went out and bought a brand new car. Everyone has there own circumstances and if something nice happens for someone else then a real friend would be happy for them. But alas life does not always work out this way. People can be so petty sometimes. You should hear some of the things people have said about my car when I got it! But I think everyone should mind thier own business! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merry Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 I agree with the others' answers. You don't owe her an explanation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolfie Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 I have to agree. It is your's and Fred's business where the car came from. You shouldn't have to explain or give her the jeep! Geez. Some people have the nerve. Sounds like she is not a real friend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
havanaholly Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 I have to figure out how to break the news to my friend.No, you don't.many of us in this neck of the woods are really nosy.And this, by you, is good manners? Ye gods! And is there a law that you have to answer such nosy, personal questions? I guess Winter isn't the only reason I'll stay here in the South! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sherry Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 What everyone else said-IF she asks, tell her he got a great deal on it. It's certainly not your problem if she doesn't have a car. However, when you run errands, you can always offer her a ride on occasion. That's all any friend should have to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justmesue Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 I agree with the majority. If she asks, tell her casually, brush it off as a good deal-if not she didn't ask, so don't volunteer. You can help people out, but you don't owe them anything, no matter how, p. poor they are. Your number 1 priority is your own family, then your extended family as you see the need be, then someone else, if time, money and physical energy permits. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kellee Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 Congratulations on the Jeep.!! You dont owe anyone any type of explanation... if she asks, tell her its Freds jeep and he got a really good deal.! You dont have to go into details.! I sure would not.! Not anyones buisness. !! Kellee Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heidiiiii Posted March 23, 2009 Author Share Posted March 23, 2009 why do you feel the need to tell this woman your business? I have been friends with her for 16 years. She is like a sister to me. We spend every Saturday in the spring and summer together. I have changed her daughter`s pull ups (who is now 18 yrs old). We are very close. This is not some casual friend that I see only once in a blue moon. We have had a long history. Her life was hard when we first met but she went to school, worked very hard, and had a happy life. Until her significant other fell in love with someone online. Now she struggles harder then she did back in the day. Do any of you have friends like that? Close and long? Do you tell your siblings when something good happens? I know she is not blood but I do not have contact with my siblings so she will do. I guess from the responses that it does not really matter. I do not *FEEL THE NEED* to tell her my business. Thank you for your input. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kellee Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 Heidi, My best friend & I have been friends since Kindergarden. We both have had very hard times. We are always talking on the phone... just live a few minutes from each other. I am married with 2 children, she is not married with 2 children... She probably tells me more than I tell her... I have someone to talk things over with.. she does not.... But I always keep MOST of our finanial stuff to myself... If we got a new vehicle I would not tell her how much I paid... Just not her buisness.... and the same with her she would not tell me.... But I do understand how you feel about feeling bad that you got a free vehicle...but always remember you have to take of you & your family. They come first.! That was very hard for me to do but I have learned that right now We are the most imporatant and I have to take care of us. If you can or want to I would offer her rides to the store when you go and so forth.. kellee Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lyn Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 I agree with what everyone else says let her see it on her own then go from there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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