mommymakesstuff2 Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 Well thanks to the governator my husband has lost more pay. I am looking for a job but prospects are slim and pay is low here in town anyway, It is better an hour and a half away but that's a hard commute. have to be home for the kids when husband is at work. Soooo I need a good joke...feeling sad and disheartend that all my hard work in school has been wasted Trying to get a transfer to a more employable area, so I can have better prospects...love to you all and hope you are well..throw some funnies at me... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Princess Arwen Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 A man walked into a bar.............ouch!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heidiiiii Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "I will have to go home and come back later." The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt." So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair. She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed his Social Security application. When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the social security office. She says, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too." 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolfie Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 Well Heidi, you should get the prize for THAT one! I about dropped out of my chair laughing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shannonc60 Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 Heidi, you are very naughty!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justmesue Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 A princess became cursed one day, by an evil witch, and every thing she touched something, thereafter it melted instantly in her hand. Her Dear Daddy the King was so beside himself about this horrible situation, he sent out a message in all the land, to all the men, that if any one of them could find an object, that would not melt in his daughter's hand, thus lifting the curse, he not only could claim her hand in marriage, but also take over as King, and inherit all the riches. The first young hopeful brought a sword made of the strongest metal, and as soon as the afflicted girl touched it, it totally melted. The second brought a silver and platinum gun, that had a reinforced steel barrel, and again to no avail, the second, the girl touched it, it melted in her hand. The 3rd man, came in, and whispered in the Princesses ear, that she should reach into his pants pocket, and touch what he was concealing in there. The Princess reluctantly slid her hand in his pocket, and what was in there did not melt!!! And what was in her future husband's pocket?... Why M AND M's, of course, they melt in your mouth, not in your hand!! Ya, ya, I know what y'all were thinking! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmgervais Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 Groaner Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married. One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom. The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely. After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom, "I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!!!" "IMPOSSIBLE !!" said the groom broom. Are you ready for this? Brace yourself; this is going to hurt. "WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!" Oh for goodness sake... laugh, or at least groan. Life's too short not to enjoy... even these silly little cute..... and clean jokes Sounds to me like she's been "sweeping" around!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmgervais Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 We all need a little stress-reliever today! This only takes a minute. Sometimes when you have a stressful day or week, you need some silliness to break up the day. And, if we are honest, we have a lot more stressful days than not. Here is your dose of humour... Follow the instructions to find your new name. And don't go all adult - a senior manager is now known far and wide as Dorky Gizzardsniffer. The following in excerpted from a children's book, "Captain Underpants and the Perilous Plot Professor Poopypants" by Dave Pilkey, in which the evil an Professor forces everyone to assume new names... 1. Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first name: > a =3D snickle > b =3D doombah > c =3D goober > d =3D cheesey > e =3D crusty > f =3D greasy > g =3D dumbo > h =3D farcus > i =3D dorky > j =3D doofus > k =3D funky > l =3D boobie > m =3D sleezy > n =3D sloopy > o =3D fluffy > p =3D stinky > q =3D slimy > r =3D dorfus > s =3D snooty > t =3D tootsie > u =3D dipsy > v =3D sneezy > w =3D liver > x =3D skippy > y =3D dinky > z =3D zippy 2. Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name: > a =3D dippin > b =3D feather > c =3D batty > d =3D burger > e =3D chicken > f =3D barffy > g =3D lizard > h =3D waffle > i =3D farkle > j =3D monkey > k =3D flippin > l =3D fricken > m =3D bubble > n =3D rhino > o =3D potty > p =3D hamster > q =3D buckle > r =3D gizzard > s =3D lickin > t =3D snickle > u =3D chuckle > v =3D pickle > w =3D hubble > x =3D dingle > y =3D gorilla > z =3D ! girdle 3. Use the third letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name: > a =3D butt > b =3D boob > c =3D face > d =3D nose > e =3D hump > f =3D breath > g =3D pants > h =3D shorts > i =3D lips > j =3D honker > k =3D head > l =3D tush > m =3D chunks > n =3D dunkin > o =3D brains > p =3D biscuits > q =3D toes > r =3D doodle > s =3D fanny > t =3D sniffer > u =3D sprinkles > v =3D frack > w =3D squirt > x =3D humperdinck > y =3D hiney > z =3D juice Thus, for example, George W. Bush's new name is Fluffy Chucklefanny. Remember that children laugh an average of 146 times a day; adults laugh an average of 4 times a day. Put more laughter in your day. Note: The original Name Change-O-Chart 2000 was first designed so that everybody in the whole world would have a ridiculous name when they entered their given names into the equation. That is, everybody except popular singer/songwriter Englebert Humperdinck. Dav designed the original charts so that Englebert Humperdinck's name would stay the same when it was entered into the equation. It was a stupid and obscure joke, but ultimately Dav changed it because the whole point of the chart was that nobody would be singled out for teasing. Not even Englebert. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heidiiiii Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 My new name is Dorky Frickenhump ROFL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
havanaholly Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 Let's don't single out Englebert Humperdink! The original one composed "Hansel & Gretel". I LOVE my new name! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasbuilder Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 Crafting.........."one of those days" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jo Med Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 Here's a copy of part of an O-level exam paper - made me chuckle anyway btw, I have a brilliant name ...... Snooty Chickennose Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jo Med Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 In fact me, my husband AND my son are ALL called Snooty Chickennose - hmmm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patricia b Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 Let me introduce myself...I am now the proud owner of my new name...Tootsie Gizzardbrains. Love it! I want to go into the bank and start a new account.. get new credit cards..new drivers license (can't you just see the look on the cop's face if I got pulled over)? The Tootsie makes me feel quite sprightly, and the Gizzardbrains explains a lot! lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LLyn M. Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 Dinky WaffleDoodle here. I was going to tell a joke but I forgot it!! I'm still laughing at Heidi's joke..and me and my friend Snickle PottyBiscuits are dying over this name thing. Good laughs!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
havanaholly Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 I think I'm going to go back to bed; I just realized I've been married to Fluffy Dippindoodle for 46+ years! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmgervais Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 Hello, my name is Zippy Chickendoodle, and I am married to Dorfus Chickendoodle. Our kids are Goober, Dorky and Snickle! Glad it brought a chuckle! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmgervais Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 and we all thought it was gold... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chellebelle Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 Mine is Goober Farkledunkin, which is even funnier because Dan's pet name for me has always been Goober! Some men call their wives Honey, or Babe, I get hey Goober! Also, Heidi, you are so bad! I admire that in a person, lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monica_the_haunted Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 LOL I needed that joke Heidi! Okay my new name is Sleazy Pickletush....ummmm ya Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
debbie4159 Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 Cheesy Chickentush????????? rofl My granddaughter told me this joke -- so here goes: How do you make Lady GaGa cry? Poker Face Cheer up -- as long as you wake up -- each day is still a blessing! Debbie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anna Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 OK, so I will be signing with my new name then: Sloopy Lizardpants.... Needed this laug, and a good thing I had put the cup pf coffe down on the table... Come to think about it, this would make a great witchy name, oh I can hear the fimo calling... Hugs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
havanaholly Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 I hadn't even thought about our kids' names! Egad, there are TWO Boobies in our family! (No smart remearks, please...) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heidiiiii Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 Holly, Chelsea has been calling Natalie by the nickname Booby for many years. But it is not what you think. One day she said she was now a blue footed booby. This was like almost 10 years ago...LOL I need the laughs too. In one day our bedroom tv is pooping the bed AND MonsterFace knocked my cellphone on the floor and broke the lcd screen on it. I cannot see anything on the screen at all. So I am in a foul mood. Will not be able to replace either until next month. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
havanaholly Posted August 22, 2009 Share Posted August 22, 2009 I have actually seen a stuffed blue-footed booby in the Royal Ontario Museum mini, mini years ago, and I'm right up there with Natalie! Heidi, you don't need any jokes just now. Here are a copuple of {{BIG HUGS}}, instead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.