Please help, I need talking through this

[Gill Howe]

Hi

My name is Gill, it has been a very long time since I was here and my life has taken a huge downward slide since I was here last. But to try to keep it short I was building the Garfield, my first house. I was lucky in the fact that we had a room that I could totally dedicate to my many hobbies. I was at least three quarters done inside and out. Then the worst thing a mother could ever imagine happen, happened. My youngest son hung himself in that room. Now I cannot even go in there. So the house is up there and is too big to bring down so now it has to be demolished!!! Its like adding salt to the wounds, I lost him now I have to lose the house....where will it end.

[butlerestates]

Oh my goodness. How horrible. I am just so sad to hear this. I have a very close friend who also lost her son just last month. As a mother I can tell you that I am so very sorry for you and anyone who loses a child. :idea:

Is there anyway someone can move your house for you? Can the door be taken off the hinges to fit it through or maybe lowered down from the window? Just some ideas I have thought of. I hope you can keep your house. If it has to be taken apart if done carefully I bet it can be put back together.

[lmgervais]

I'm so sorry for your loss - you must be devastated. :idea:

I would also suggest getting someone else to try and remove the house from the room. Several good suggestions on how this might be accomplished have been given already.

[Gill Howe]

My husband removed the door to the room and even sawed some of the house roof off, my other son was here helping but there was no way.

Thanks for your comments and concerns, but he tried very hard to get it down, I really think there is no hope.

[genieDOLL]

I don't know what to say other than I am very touched by the horrific loss you have endured, and I hope you will be able to overcome such a devastating blow.

[pin1056]

:idea: maybe you can take it apart and re build it downstairs....such a beautiful house and so close to finishing :hug: it may help your pain to finish it too :lol:

[shannonc60]

I'm so sorry to hear your terrible news. Working on your house could be therapeutic, I hope you work it out.

[THmini2]

I am so sorry to hear about your son's death. It must be so hard to deal with. I hope that you have someone to talk to about this. I will keep your family in prayer.

[Jo Med]

Gill,

What a dreadful dreadful thing to happen, I'm so sorry. I can understand why you don't want to go in there yet but do you think that, given time, you may once again be able to use that room and finish the Garfield. It might be worth getting a different kit altogether and building it downstairs. When that is completed, you may feel differently about that room, if not, demolish the Garfield - you will be no worse off (except for the cost of a kit) and you will still have another beautiful house.

[Lynette Smith]

I'm sorry about the tragedy with your son. A close friend of mine who was like a brother hung himself. In his case it was outside, so no stigma was associated within the house itself.

If you are not moving, and if the room is not otherwise needed for the time being, perhaps letting the room sit might be worth considering. I honestly don't know how I could handle the situation any other way if you are staying put. Removing the minis won't remove the pain, and it will be some time before you will be comfortable with the room.

Ultimately, your serenity is of most value. The Garfield, lovely as it is, is replaceable.

My heart goes out to you. :idea:

[Sherry]

I am deeply sorry for your loss and totally understand. My mother killed herself in her bedroom. I didn't go in there, except to get out what needed to be gotten for legal purposes, and we sold the house.

Your pain will get better with time, and I agree with Lynette. Just close the door and give it time. If you don't have to have the room, try to forget it's there. build another house. Someday you will be able to deal with the room, but taking the house out of it, or destroying the house won't change how you feel about the room right now. Believe me, right now you are just reacting out of your pain, so don't make any rash decisions that may add to your regrets later.

My prayers are with you, and if you have a pastor, or a doctor you can talk to, do so. You can't carry this burden by yourself. Big hugs to you, and feel free to pm anytime.

[wenlaine]

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, Gill. My heart goes out to you!

I also agree that maybe time is what you need. I'm afraid if you demolish the dollhouse you might regret it. There may be comfort there one day.

[justmesue]

So sorry for you. Hugs

[AuntDee]

My sympathy and prayers for your family. Your pain is terrible, I know. My father committed suicide and it is a terrible thing for a family to deal with. I think some excellent advice has been given. If you have to demolish the Garfield you have only lost the cost of the kit and your time. I think getting anothe kit and working on it in another room in your home will give you enjoyment while you work thru your grief. If the Garfield has to be destroyed it isn't a crime. Perhaps you could find someone with woodworkign skills who could dismantle it in a way that the parts could be joined together again in another room. PLease find someone or a group who you can talk to, carrying your pain alone isn't good. Rita

[KarenC]

I am so sorry for your loss, can't even imagine the depth of your pain. My story is nothing compared to yours but it too concerns a room I couldn't bear to go into for the longest time. We only have 1 child and she lived with us until she was in her early 20s when she decided to move out of state and go live with her grandmother, mostly because she and her long-term boyfriend had broken up and she wanted a change of scenery. She also was taking her pug puppy that she had gotten at 8 weeks old that she had just gotten a couple of months earlier that I had been taking care of most of the time because I worked at home and she was going to school and working. I was just devestated and didn't handle the whole thing well, I was going to be losing both of my babies at the same time. Once she moved out, I just closed the door to her bedroom and bathroom, tried not to even look at the doors when I had to go by them because I would start crying. The doors stayed shut for several months.

It finally got easier. I think what helped most of all was deciding to redo the rooms, especially her bedroom as it was decorated in her style. We totally redid the room, pulled up the carpeting, took down the wallpaper, put down hardwood flooring, repainted and decorated in a totally different style. Now, I even sleep in there sometimes when hubs is snoring too loud or one or the other of us is restless.

Please don't misunderstand, my situation in no way compares to yours, that is a horrendous loss that no parent should have to suffer, but in most cases time does heal all wounds as they say, and maybe your husband and/or your other son can repaint, move furniture in/out, change drapes, bed covers (if there is one in there), rearrange, make it look like a different place so it doesn't have so many visual memory cues to remind you of your loss. Give it some more time as well.

Karen

[LLyn M.]

Your message took my breath away...I cannot begin to express my sorrow. I've had

two friends at different times in my life that did the same thing.Such saddness and

shock! Time does heal and lets us breathe again.You have my deepest hope for peace

and my prayers.We are all here for you.....

Perhaps I would tape the dickens out of that large house and tip it sidewards to get it downstairs...and maybe work on a different house for a while.

Much love and healing prayers to you and your family.

[Muriel]

Oh how sorry I am to read this topic. What a sad loss. I agree with many here, I think that closing the door and leaving it for a while would be good unless you need the room for something else. If you can leave it, then do. Perhaps someone can re-decorate around the Garfield for you? If it'd help, then getting rid of the garfield is fine to do. It is a small price to pay for some help at this time, but if it would add to your sadness, then if possible leave it to rest a while. See how you feel in a few months. If you need to get rid of it then, well so be it.

Sending many hugs and prayers your way.

[jeninky]

I would email or PM Dean and ask what he thinks the best advice for taking it apart to get it down stairs..MiniMan is his handle on the forum..

You are in my thoughts and prayers..

[Lisa_F]

Gill,

You've already received a wealth of advice regarding your Garfield so I'll just add my deepest sympathies over the tragic loss of your son. Please know you are in my prayers.

[havanaholly]

{{{HUGS}}}, Gill. I am so very sorry for such a horrible loss!

If the house can be cut apart and removed in sections that can be reassembled later, it could be salvaged, but IMO I would let that particular house go because of the associations and later build another in another room and dedicate it to your son's memory. In the meantime, after the house is out of the room, if moving isn't an option, by all means consider redecorating of otherwise changing the room to remove as much of the negative associations as possible.

[KathieB]

Gill, many hugs to you :yes: :hug: :hug:

Of all of the advice above, I'd guess the most on target are the suggestions to let time help heal your hurt. It never goes away, but it does become manageable. If you can close the door to the room and let it be, sooner or later you will know when the right time to open it again comes.

In the meantime, instead of starting a new house, think about doing some room boxes with the furnishings and accessories that I'm sure you've already collected. When it feels right to work on the Garfield again, they can come out of the boxes and into the house -- and you'll have some ready-made room boxes to redecorate and use as gifts. You'll also have had the added pleasure of working out some of the decorating ideas for the Garfield -- color, wallpaper, etc -- ahead of time.

Time is your friend, dear heart. Weeks, months, even years, it's different for each of us. Let it help you.

:hug: :hug:

[chattycathy66]

Oh Gill, I have no words--my immediate thoughts have been written by those before me....I am so heartbroken for anyone who has to deal with the death of a child...

Like others have said, take your time...close the room...and give yourself time to decide what to do with the Garfield, as well as the room.....it's a beautiful house, but...it's replaceable too...you will know the right thing to do when the time is right....

although we have never "met", please accept my sincerest wishes for healing for you and your family....

[Hallowell]

I'm so sorry. Hugs heading your way. :yes:

[miniwendy]

My sympathies and prayers for you and your family.

[Starfire]

Dear Gill,

My prayers are with you and your family. It is hard for a parent to lose a child and even harder to do so in this circumstance. I am sure that time will ease your pain and when you are ready the answers on the dh question will appear. Everyone has pretty well covered any suggestions I could make and only you will know what is right for you.

When we lost our son unexpectedly at the age of 19 a few years back it was a terribly painful thing. It was horrible to have to go in his room and pack up his things and it was weeks before I could do so. My DH could not even attempt it. I still have a couple of trunks up in the attic with his favorite things that I can not bring myself to part with even now. But we learned that life goes on and we do survive. You will too.

God bless and strengthen you in this terrible time.