Just for laughs

[Sherry]

Thought we could all use a laugh:

One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery

plot as a Christmas gift.

The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't

used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.....

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ****

My wife walked into the den & asked "What's on the TV?"

I replied "Dust".

And that's how the fight started.....

***********************************************

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is

not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel

horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me

a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And that's how the fight started.....

***************************************************

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming

anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0

to 200 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a scale.

And that's how the fight started.....

****************************************************

I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary? '

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.

'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.

So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?'

And that's how the fight started....

****************************************************

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while

we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?

'No,' she answered.

I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.'

So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.'

And that's how the fight started....

***************************************************

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her

someplace expensive. So, I took her to a gas station.

And that's how the fight started.....

****************************************************

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for

$14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I

told her the beer would make her look better at night than the

cold cream.

And that's how the fight started.....

****************************************************

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion,

and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she

sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took

to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I

hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife. 'Who would think a person could go on

celebrating that long?'

And that's how the fight started.....

****************************************************

****************************************************

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason,

took my order first. 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare,

please.'

He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'

'Nah, she can order for herself.'

And that's how the fight started.....

[Audra]

:lol:

[AmyD]

Just too funny

[Jeffrey]

LOLOL

[A & A]

thanx for the good laugh

[grazhina]

The thing is, that guy in the jokes is my husband.Tthe man has no tact whatsoever, which is why, when he said "wouldn't it be swell if you could put me in that chair in the corner and turn me off till you needed me?"

I answered YES!!!!!

[pin1056]

:lol:

[justmesue]

LOL The funniest part of those jokes, is I'm sure all off us here could add our own" and that's how the fight started", 'cause they all do sorta start that way, HEE HEE. I know I've had sarcastic moments that definitely got it going...so did DH...

[Deb]

True story. Bruce had installed a speech recognition program on his computer that would accept voice commands. He'd been sitting on the couch playing with it all day, giving it commands to start this, stop that, open this, close that, etc. For some reason only known to himself he'd named the computer hard drive "B***h", probably because the speech recognition required that it be given a name to work and that would have annoyed him. Anyway, he was sitting on the couch trying out the program's various functions while I was cleaning house and just as I wandered into the living room, he said, "B***h, open the window".

And that's how the fight got started.

Deb

[grazhina]

I remember DH invested in a company that was working on a speech recognition program back in the 80's. Too bad it went out of business. DH always calls things that are giving him a hard time b***h. Funny, I sometimes call them b*****d.

[Merry]

These are hilarious!

[LLyn M.]

VERY funny!!!

[TinyJudi]

I love these!!!

[chattycathy66]

Those are great!! Another way to beat the winter doldrums----some great belly laughs