My Mom

[kellee]

well, I just found out today my Mothers Vision is 20/200 in the left eye and 20/400 in the right eye. We spoke with a counselor that is going to help with low vision aids and a lady is going to come to the house and show her housekeeping ideas.. and a gentleman is going to come out and show her the cane.. She is so upset.!! She says she WILL NOT use the cane but I talked her into letting them come out and show her the cane and how to use it.... That way when she DOES need it she will have it.!! She is very upset and depressed...

Please pray for her.

Hugs

kellee

[woodland_miniatures]

Kellee, please tell your mother that you know at least one person who had 20/200 and 20/400 vision in her eyes when her eyes finally settled down in her teens. Me, of course. When I was 8 years old, all of a sudden I couldn't see the cows in the field my parents were pointing out to me on a Sunday drive, and from there I just got more and more nearsighted.

Though I am now middle-aged and my eyes have improved somewhat, I am still terribly nearsighted. It is NOT the end of the world, even at her late stage in life. My vision was correctable with glasses and I'm betting hers is not, but I've put in my share of time looking (blindly) for misplaced specs, trying to get to and from the opthalmologist with broken specs, groping for specs that weren't there and feeling that awful panic because you canNOT see.

She's very lucky to have you and to have the help with coping with her loss that you've gotten for her. I hope she comes around to "seeing" that using those vision and mobility aids that are available to her are great gifts, rather than signs of creeping old age and loss of control of her life.

How is her hearing? If it's reasonable, and she loves to read, check into your local services for the blind. In Seattle there was a wonderful organization called Evergeen Services for the Blind that provided free audiobooks (including the player - they had books, newspapers, magazines, everything you could imagine), and they also ran an around-the-clock second channel of audio on the local PBS stations on which readers would read the local papers (even the grocery ads), books, discussion groups, all sorts of things. This radio station also could be accessed with a special radio that the service provided for free as well.

I'm praying for her that she will adjust and enjoy life as much, maybe even more, than she did, and for you that you are there for her.

[Sherry]

So sorry to hear this. My FIL is pretty much blind now from macular degeneration, and it's hard on him. but he has learned to get around, and to do for himself. And he's 85, kinda late to start learning, but he did. Your mom will learn too, it just takes lots of encouragement from family.

[havanaholly]

That cane can be a Godsend for her independence. Keep us posted on how she's getting along.

[Rhonda from the Bluegrass]

I will keep her in my prayers (and you, too). I can tell you firsthand, though, that the human is an amazingly adaptable creature . . . while I cannot tell you WHICH family member (you would be utterly amazed) it is, I can tell you that one of my family members was born legally blind and has never let it stop him/her from doing anything. This person has done things that most people with excellent vision never achieve and this person continues to do so. I am VERY, VERY proud of this family member and wish I could share their story but have been forbidden to do so. They are afraid of people judging their accomplishments on "wow, but they are blind" instead of the actual merits. I know your mother will adapt and conquer . . . it's just a matter of getting past that initial shock and disappointment.

[patricia b]

I, for one, was never going to use a cane! I would die first, said I. I struggled with the pain with every step I took, but no cane for me, by george! Then one day I saw a beautiful, hand crafted cane in an antique store. It wasn't an antique, but it was, and is, beautiful. I bought it right then and there, and it has become my best friend...no kidding. I'm complimented on it almost every time I go out. I've lost it a couple of times, fortunately people have returned it to me...I can't tell you how lost I felt without it, and how delighted I was to get it back! Now I check every time I go anywhere..."keys, cane, and wallet" I sing to myself. Don't want to forget any of those. As for the vision..I've got artificial lenses in both eyes, and have had a number of surgeries for detached retina since then. I know I can't see things the way they are, (straight lines are a thing of the past), but somehow I manage. I'm telling you this in the hope that your mother will be cheered up with the thought that it really is a matter of adjusting, in my humble opinion. One day at a time the shock will ease, and hopefully she will be able to use the help offered her. She's a very lucky lady to have you in her life. Bless you both.

[havanaholly]

I have come to have to use a cane most of the time in order to walk, since I have inflammation in my right hip, knee and ankle (tendonitis) and never know when one or the other joint will decide to stop working; it isn't pretty, it's aluminum with a plastic handle, and it's adjustable so on bad days I can collapse it down and put on the back of the tandem bike (or my tricycle or the kayak).

[CheckMouse]

I can't really add much to this thread except that my prayers are with you and your mother. Maybe you could read all these comment to her to cheer her up.

One cheerful note on the cane idea -- they make a dandy weapon! I was Christmas shopping with my Uncle a few years back, and he used a cane because of his arthritis. I wanted to run some packages out to the car, rather than carry them around the Mall. My uncle insisted on joining me, though I wanted to dash quickly, explaining that if any "bad guys" showed up, he would just jab them in the solar plexus with his cane! :hug: Fortunately he didn't have to do that, but I thought it was cute that he was prepared!

[kellee]

Thank You all.. Unfortunatly she is just MAD.!! She got the Cane, only because I insisted.!! it is the Collapsible cane for the blind.

I had a lady come out that gave her some things she could use... She was MAD about that. Got very impatient with the lady and I am just frustrated.!!

She wanted to go to the local CVS yesterday... and she wanted to go while I took the kids to swimming lessons... I explained we leave around 10:30 and would be home around noon... Lessons start at 11, it takes 15 min. to get there and I like to be a few minutes early so the kids are all dressed and ready at 11. Leessons are over at 11:45 and we are home by noon or a few minutes after.!! but no later than 12:15. I explained this several times to her.!! She insisted on going to CVS. so I dropped her off at 10:30 and picked her up about 12:10 She was so MAD at me... said she did not enjoy standing at the store for 30 minutes or more waiting on us... I explained that i told her this she was still very MAD at me.!!

Last night she said she wants to get her hair cut. so I explained that we leave around 9 this morning for swimming lessons last day and they are letting them in early today... and we get out at noon.. I have the truck today because my oldest son has a mowing job today for his trip to washington DC. So she got mad because I am taking the boys early... then she said I could take her when we go to mow... I explained mowing takes about an hour.... travel time there and home and to mow... so she got upset again... I told her I would take her Sat. Morning.. I have nothing planned.!! She says NO she would like to go tomorrow... Again... she knows I work on Fridays and we Mow the Lumber yard.. So I explained it was fri. and I work and we mow the lumber yard.. SO she went down stairs Stomping all the way then when she thought I could not hear her she said I NEVER do anything for her and that she is going to just walk out on the street sometime and let a car hit her.. . So I commented that if you do that then you wont be able to go anywhere !! and I told her that I did NOT want her talking like that in front of my Children... and if she did it again...then we would have to seek additional help because she is NOT going to frighten my children anymore than she already does.!

She is very mean to my youngest son.. 9 years old... He is a young boy and she cannot handle him being so active..

It is getting very tough. I know it is because she is upset that she is loosing her eyesight. I understand that I am sure it is very hard for her to deal with.. but she has not stop feeling sorry for herself and do something about it.!! I offered to take her to the senior center to make friends, or to go to the Y with us and she could join the seniors, they go for luncheons and so forth.. but she wont do it.!

Kellee

[havanaholly]

You do realize that you have just described several of the stages of grieving; your mom isn't taking her loss of sight very well, and I don't think any of us would. No, it's not fair to your children and when she has a few calm moments do explain that while you understand her anger, it's not fair to her grandchildren to take it out on them, and it won't leave them with very nice memories of her when they're grown.

[DorothyB]

I'm going to assume that your mother's vision is corrected to the acuity you mentioned because those were my numbers when I was eight. I'm now sixty and my eyes have gotten worse, but glasses correct them to acceptable levels.

From all your descriptions of your mother's behavior, I wonder if there isn't something else going on as well. We've had several family members with dementia and they began with the same angry behavior. If that's the case, no amount of explanations is going to help. Please get her tested and explain this to your children.

It's a tough place to be in for everyone involved and you have all my sympathy.

[woodland_miniatures]

Kellee, when I read your post I also had early dementia warning bells go off in my mind. That sort of unreasonable anger can indeed be a prime symptom of dementia, and for YOUR peace of mind it's something you should bring up with her doctor. Has she had a physical, including checking for a simple bladder infection, recently? Hate to say it, but one of the most common causes of down-right nutso behavior in seniors can be a bladder infection.

Whatever's going on here, my heart totally goes out to you. You do have your hands full and you're in my prayers.

[kellee]

We just did her lab work wedenesday for the Doctor.. Her appt is Aug. 4 and she was suposed to have a few things done before that appt. She finally agreed but was upset to do the lab work which included a urine test. This appt.on the 4th is for a pap which she may decline..... I wont know until the day. She was to have a chest Xray & Mammogram but she wont do it until she knows that she wont have to worry about the bill.. She cannot afford it.. she makes $45 every 2 weeks right now at her job. I am going to try to talk to the nurse or DR. about depression..... and hopefully next week get the CHest xray & Mammogram done.. Neither Mammogram or pap have been done in the last 10 years.!!! The Dr. wants chest Xray because Mom tried to be slick.!! Dr. asked her if she coughs and mom said NO... then while Dr. was talking to her she started coughing and so DR. gave prescription for Chest Xray.!!! SHe has these coughing spells where she coughs and sometimes it takes a few minutes to stop and she feels like she cant get her breath. or she coughs until she finally can take a big breath or something and she screams... I have tried to tell her she needs to tell the Dr. but She lied anyway then started coughing.!!

Kellee

[KathieB]

Kellee, I don't envy you having to deal with your mother. The best you can do is what you have been doing ... push lovingly but persistently.

And let the doctors know what the real story is -- behind your mother's back, if you're comfortable doing that. They deal with folks like your mom every day and will understand. <hug>

[Merry]

My mom died when she was 72 years old.

I remember that the less she could do, the more change in her I saw.

Hospice told us that my mom knew she was losing control of her life. So, whenever mom was insistent about something that didn't make any sense, it was mostly about her trying to have some control no matter what the circumstances.

It wasn't that my mom was a control freak; it was that a person loses hope when they are unable to make the decisions and their children have had to take over.

What a difficult situation you're in. What a difficult situation your mom is in.

I am so sorry.