grynche Posted July 13, 2010 Share Posted July 13, 2010 An e-mail giggle, sorry I couldn't post the pictures. Marriage or a relationship? If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him and never say it's not quite as good as his mother's, then adopt a dog. [imagine a cute puppy picture] If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour, for as long and wherever you want, adopt a dog. [imagine another cute puppy picture] If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn't care about football, and will sit next to you as you watch romantic movies, then adopt a dog. [imagine ... well you get the picture] If you want someone who is content to get on your bed just to warm your feet and whom you can push off if he snores, then adopt a dog. If you want someone who never criticizes what you do, doesn't care if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old, who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of listening to, and loves you unconditionally, perpetually, then adopt a dog. BUT, if you want someone who will never come when you call, ignores you totally when yo come home, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, runs around all night and only comes home to eat and sleep, and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his happiness ... then adopt a cat! [imagine cat slumped in recliner with the remote] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jo Med Posted July 13, 2010 Share Posted July 13, 2010 Love it. This is an oldie but a goody - always makes me smile. EXCERPTS FROM A DOG’S DIARY Day number 180 8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE! 9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE! 10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE! 11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE! 1:00 pm OH BOY! THE GARDEN! MY FAVORITE! 4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE! 5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE! Day number 181 8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE! 9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE! 10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE! 11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE! 1:00 pm OH BOY! THE GARDEN! MY FAVORITE! 4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE! 5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE! Day number 182 8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE! 9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE! 10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE! 11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE! 1:00 pm OH BOY! THE GARDEN! MY FAVORITE! 4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE! 5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE! EXCERPTS FROM A CAT’S DIARY DAY 752 My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant. DAY 761 Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair…must try this on their bed. DAY 765 Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was…Hmmm. Not working according to plan. DAY 768 I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called “shampoo.” What sick minds could invent such a liquid?! My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth. DAY 771 There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call “beer..” More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of “allergies.” Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage. DAY 774 I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time… Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LifeUponTheWickedStage Posted July 13, 2010 Share Posted July 13, 2010 (edited) HAHA thats really cute! Edited July 13, 2010 by LifeUponTheWickedStage Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jo Med Posted July 13, 2010 Share Posted July 13, 2010 And another of my favourites How to give a cat a pill 1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. 2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. 3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. 4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right fore-finger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten. 5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden. 6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously. 7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later. 8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw. 9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap. 10) Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with a rubber band. 11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Throw T-shirt away and get new one from bedroom. 12) Call the fire department to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap. 13) Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down. 14) Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table. 15) Arrange for SPCA to collect cat and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pin1056 Posted July 13, 2010 Share Posted July 13, 2010 love those Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
woodland_miniatures Posted July 13, 2010 Share Posted July 13, 2010 Haven't yet had to "pill" Koko (my avatar), but that certainly was the routine with my dear "sweet" old girl, Kiki - I've got the scars to prove it, too!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doogster Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 liquid meds are so much better with cats. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silvyr Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 liquid meds are so much better with cats. That really depends on the cat. When we first got ours, she had a parasite and after her first vet visit we were given two liquid medications to give her twice a day. It took us over an hour, twice a day, to administer them - and one of them we couldn't get down. Finally we broke down and got it in pill form, also twice a day, and it took us about 5 seconds! Cats really are such individual creatures! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
miniwendy Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 I love my aquarium...its so much easier... (Actually, I adore kitties and pups, but have awful allergies) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grazhina Posted July 15, 2010 Share Posted July 15, 2010 Funny, and oh how true. Giving a cat a pill reminds me of my son Max when he was two and needed to take his medicine drops. I had to call my next door neighbor to come and help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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