Surrogate Father Figure Dieing

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I just got a call from my old friend, June. She told me that her husband Steve would be dead in about a week, because the cancer is resisting treatment.

She and her husband, Steve, had no children after she went through breast cancer at age 30, and somewhere along the way I sort of became their surrogate kid. I haven't seen as much of them in recent years, but they have always been in my thoughts. Many of the positive lessons in life were learned with them.

We used to go hiking in Zion National Park each Easter. Recently I started hiking again, and naturally my thoughts turned to him. The treatment was nearing the end, then there was going to be a surgery to reconstruct a damaged duct. I'd been thinking just the other day of stopping by to look at Steve's books and maps and planning his first post cancer hike down the road a bit.

Now to find that he's going to be gone, and so soon... When the cancer was first diagnosed, he had a 70% chance of survival. I'm getting teary eyed just thinking about it. He's a good man and deserves a long retirement, going on a hiking trek to Austrailia, not this.

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Lynette, that is very tragic news. I am so sorry for your sadness and pain. It sounds like you have a great many happy memories that I hope sustain you through this. Sending you warm hugs and positive thoughts. Hang in there.

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So sorry to hear this Lynette. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your surragate family at this time. My heart is heavy for you.

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Many thoughts and prayers are with all of you

Donna

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I am so sorry, Lynette. I'd been missing you since I'd not seen you posting for a while - now I know why. My thoughts and prayers for you during this sad time. {{{{{Lynette}}}}}

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I am so sorry. It sounds like you had alot of great times with them! Lots of good memories. I know that it doesn't help much now. But good memories are going to help you. Seems like the best ones go so fast and young.Hugs, Teresa :)

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I am sorry Lynette.

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Hugs, my prayers are with you and his family. Its hard to lose someone, whether they're biologically related to you or not.

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Many hugs, Lynette. Sometimes friends are closer to us than blood relatives. Will you have a chance to see him in the next few days?

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I'm going to swing by Monday. I'm hoping I can catch him awake. I'm glad he won't have a long time to suffer. My Mom took 7 weeks after I brought her home from the hospital, and she was in constant pain. June assures me he's not in pain, for which I'm profoundly glad.

I went on a hike today, and thought about him alot.

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I am so sorry to hear that. It is hard to lose a loved one. Sending my thoughts and prayers to all of you! :lol:

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Thoughts are with you and hoping for the miracle you desire for him.

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Im so sorry sending you good thoughts and prayers and some big HUGS xoxo

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I dropped by the house Monday with a pumpkin pie in tow. June said she thought that Steve would eat that, so I was pleased. The phone kept ringing while we went over a book of 1826 German fashion plates. Many people calling to check on how things were going, or about helping with Steve's work project get completed. They'd dispensed with the sofa in the living room and set up a work table with his computers and electronic equipment if he feels like getting up. It rather reminded me of when we visited Steve's uncle in the rest home with his HAM radio set up over 20 years ago.

June says he's more lucid now, that when he came home from the hospital he was out of it on painkillers, but they'd been adjusted now. He sleeps a lot. He drinks Ensure, and had had some soup his mother had brought by, and was indeed interested in the pumpkin pie, so I think he'll be around longer than a week.

After he woke up I went in and we had a chat. I told him about my recent attempts to get back into hiking and told him I'd been planning to come by the week before to see about planning his return to hiking, perhaps in the spring. He said he'd like that. He said he wasn't giving up. I told him a few diet things I learned from a top cancer expert when Mom had cancer - he may give it a try, I don't know. He's off of caffeine and doesn't have a sweet tooth, so that's the biggest cancer accelerents (sp)out of the way.

We talked about some of our memorable hikes, my nieces and nephews and homeschooling, mutual friends, what should be in a garden (he favors edibles, while I have a love of flowers, as well as the edibles). Then he got tired again, so I left.

I'm going to see if I can find some grapes that are just at the right stage to eat, last time I checked they were a little tart still), and maybe some pears.

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Such sad news but there is always Hope. Adding my prayers to bring comfort and

Peace to you and yours.

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My friend's obit was in the newspaper today. It was a very unusual obit, giving no names of family members or education.

"His first word was 'light' and he was well on his way toward a career in electrical engineering when, as a toddler, his first phrase was 'plug it in.'

Steve never saw a mountain that he didn't want to climb, nor met a person that he wasn't willing to help"

There's no mention of the cemetery, so I think he won out on the cremation argument. I think he wanted his ashes scattered down in Southern Utah's rugged landscape he loved to hike in. I guess I'll find out more tomorrow at the viewing.

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Oh, my dear, I am so very sorry. He sounds like he was a wonderful man and a loss to us all.

{{{{{Lynette}}}}}

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I just got back from the funeral. It was a nice service. His circle of friends was constantly mentioned. Stories of different people involved in different aspects of his life. Every time a new name was mentioned, I'd go "oh, they were designing a fish finder for his boat" or "we went hiking with him and his family," or "I remember them from the cabin party." They mentioned how he would go out to dine with friends (we did this countless times) and talk over the meal. I remember that when I had the carbon monoxide poisoning, he said he dined out on that story for a couple of weeks, so if any of them were introduced to me, they'd have said "oh, so you're the one..."

One of Steve's sister-in-laws remembered me, which rather surprised me. I dated the younger brother for a few months over 20 years ago. I suppose it was more memorable, because I think I'm the only girl that he ever took to a family function - he's still a bachelor. I was debating about whether to speak to the brother, because after he broke up with me, Steve chewed him out for writing the mean break up letter, but I decided to put that behind me, and offered him condolences.

The best part for me was when the widow, June, called my friend on the carpet for sneaking out last night without speaking to her. Ruth and June used to be in a renaissance music group together, then Ruth was asked to leave because she wasn't really able to keep her temper and lash out (she got much better after going on antidepressants). That hurt Ruth a lot, and still bothers her, and was one reason I stopped spending so much time over at the Olsen's, because I felt quite awkward being in the middle. June made it clear she wanted Ruth to come by and not be a stranger. I'm hoping that maybe they can heal this rift, because I've felt it a big shame. Ruth used to be over doing everything for June when she was recovering from breast cancer and post cancer surgeries, going on 30 years, and that far outweighs hurt feelings over a now defunct music group.

Steve will be cremated and his ashes will be buried with June in many, many, many years, when she dies.

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