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I dont think its fair!


nuttiwebgal

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so last night at my Birthday dinner...conversation wondered around to Thanksgiving and I said I wasnt cooking this yr...maybe next yr but not this one...too soon after surgery I would rather go to someones house or out.....one of our buffet houses serves a huge spread and we could also go see a movie after....they all are like noooooo you have to cook!

my mother and the children.....I of course will make a small turkey for my DH who enjoys turkey sandwhiches! but other than that I just dont want to do it....not this yr.

am I selfish or spoiled? or justified?

nutti :blink:

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You are totally justified in your feelings! I'm with you; have someone else cook and then you can nibble on what things you are allowed to eat. I'm going through the same thing...still 20 more stubborn pounds to go, and the holidays coming up!! Of course I've found I can indulge in moderation on occasion, but still not like I used to.

I am lucky in that my husband cooks thanksgiving dinner at the country club he's a chef at, and brings the goodies home for dinner. I gave up trying to come anywhere close to cooking as good as he does, so I just enjoy and don't feel a pang of guilt for not spending the day slaving over a hot turkey!

I'll bet everyone enjoys Mom's thanksgiving dinner, but they will survive going out to eat...and they might even enjoy it....and no clean up afterwards!!

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I for one don't think you have one shelfish bone in your body!!!

I would say if they don't want to take you out then call the nearest store and order a premade dinner and then have every one bring a dish if that to hard make a list and let the put it in to a hat let them pick what to bring

Donna

p.s. my mother did this when I was small at 10 years old and yes I brought something too

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Lynette ,You are not being selfish at all. I wish your family would be more understanding..Perhaps they will be after teyve had time to think about it. Stick to your guns on this! After all you've had major surgeryand to top that off that surgery determines what you can eat.

Your family will be just fine having dinner elsewhere.

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You certainly are justified, and yes, I think it's too early! I should hobble over there and beat them over the heads with my wolf switch! Let someone else do the cooking! You are still recouping!

Wolfie

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Yes, some people involved are being very selfish, but you are not one of them. Can you order an already made dinner somewhere? Safeway has them. Pick up the food the night before. Put the food in the fridge and the heating up instructions on the fridge door. It is just food. Then, instead of cooking, do what ever you want.

Doing everything for everyone and putting myself LAST is the one thing I regret, I wish I'd had the guts to say no years ago. I do not think I would ever have been as fat as I once was.

I did not see the connection between my being a pleaser and my weight until I was 1/2 back down to my normal weight. I knew my life literally depended on doing (or not doing) what I needed. I started to say no, without even giving an excuse or explanation. It was not easy at first, but like any skill I just needed practice. The suddenly it was like magic...no, not "like" magic...It WAS magic!

I wanted to say this because you are still so young. Don't do what I did. Don't waste any time agreeing to do things that cause you unhappiness. Even more important don't feel guilty. Even if you do not come right out and say it, you family will figure out that you have set new boundaries soon enough.

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No Lynette you are not selfish at all. My family has done thanksgiving dinner out and it was great. The only downside was there were no turkey sammich leftovers.

We do alternatives for Thanksgiving dinner all the time. Chelsea never ever ever liked turkey. Even before she stopped eating meat. So we always have a small hotel turkey breast and then we make fixings that we all like and.....tacos!

This year isnt any different. Chelsea is vegan so we are going over websites and cookbooks to find something for her that will be a special holiday meal.

Your family will have to get used to the new YOU. You cant eat it and shouldnt be expected to cook it. Do what I have done with the hotel breast so there is some turkey and have everyone pitch in. Otherwise I think Hungry Man makes a dinner you can feed them...ROFL

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Nutti, put your foot down! They can go out to eat or order a pre made dinner. That's what I did last year, I was packing to move us out of our house and just couldn't take the stress of trying to do everything. Not when we were also house looking to boot! You do what you want to do, and let them do what they want. It's only one holiday. (hugs)

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You are not being selfish.!!! We always have a huge dinner and the family comes over, well this year I told them all NO!! I barely have the $$ to buy a dinner for ourselves this year so I am not making a huge dinner for everyone to come and enjoy while we suffer after.! I will make a turkey for us, Hubby, my boys & My Mother but that is all. I dont think I should have to flip the bill when they all could bring a dish or two. You should not have to cook a huge meal and be tempted by all the things you cannot eat.! Stick to your guns.!!

I have been checking in on your progress and you are doing WONDERFUL !!!

Hugs

Kellee

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I feel you should take the day off from cooking! Maybe with time your family will come around to going to a nice restaurant. I don't think my family can appreciate all the prep time, cooking time and clean up go into the Thanksgiving meal. I would also like to just go out and enjoy the day and let someone else cook.

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Oh my good gracious! Selfish? Not at all!!!! People expecting you to have to cook and demanding you cook when you don't feel up to it--that sounds more like being selfish to me! Please take care of yourself and listen to your body's limitations (mental and physical)...no one keeled over from restaurant Thanksgiving turkey that I know of!!

Tappy

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You are most definitley NOT being selfish at all, and I think you are more than entitled to not have to do all that work involved after what you are still recovering from!

You take it easy on yourself and let others deal with that kind of work for now, and as for selfish YOU???? Not bl--dy likley :banana:

:D Hugs :wave:

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Lynette...You are TOTALLY justified!!! People don't realize how much work goes into cooking for a crowd (and sadly many don't appreciate it either)..what do they think that the food magically appears on the table???? Poof...theres the turkey...poof...perfect gravy....poof....all the accoutrements....Stand your ground girl!!! If they want the big turkey dinner...let them COOK it!!! They won't die if they don't get the traditional meal cooked by you!! If anything, they will learn to appreciate it more next year!! Kick back, relax and enjoy the day!!

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Lynette. You have been thru ALOT! You are sooooo NOT selfish! Cooking and organizing a T-day dinner is alot of work and effort, frankly after going thru the surgery and recovery, this alone should give you reason to NOT cook a large dinner. The fact that you wouldn't be able to eat and enjoy it is another good reason! Take the season off and relax! I hope your family will understand, respect and support this!

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This year we are going out to dinner on Thanksgiving. Every year we cook for the neighborhood and they come and eat and have a good time and leave and I'm stuck with the dishes......but this year Doug says NO. We will go out and not have a ton of leftovers and a ton and a half of dishes! You are not yourself yet. You need some help! Let them fend for themselves or get takeout!

Wolfie

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I couldn't agree more with what everyone has said. The only selfish and spoiled people in this scenario are the rest of your family. They should absolutely cook the dinner this year - and they should make sure that they are including tasty dishes that you can and will enjoy also. I'm very surprised that they obviously don't understand your situation!

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Oh Lynette, you are definitely not selfish, you are being reasonable. We usually hold a big Tday at my house, now everyone brings something, but the prep work to the house and yard and the cooking really is a lot of work. So last year when DH was recovering from his surgery we just told them that we were sorry, but we couldn't have the dinner at our house. I fixed for just us, and that way we didn't have to worry about the house being spotless, the yard being so so and we did not have to deal with other people's left overs.

BTW, do you think anyone else volunteered to have the 35 or so people come to their house--no way. We have had as small a group as 25 and up to 75 people here at Tday--this year is still up in the air, I'm being selfish and seeing if anyone volunteers to host it at their house, before I jump in and have to pack up all my mini messes. LOL

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Nutti darlin', there's not a selfish bone in your body! You're being practical about what works and what don't work..........and you cooking a huge meal this year just *don't* work! The heavy cooking aromas and the heat in the kitchen would knock your feet out from under you all by themselves and it's just plain not fair to ask you to cook a huge meal with special foods that you can't eat.

Deb

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You know, if they insist on having it at home...you can supervise the whole operation. Make them a grocery list that they have to go out a get, have them cook pies 3 days in advance, make them chop, peel, and sautee 1 day in advance, make THEM get up at 5am to put the turkey in the oven, and watch everything, make them run out to the store because you forgot nutmeg!

Geez, yeah family doesnt appreciate the work we do for Thanksgiving.

*this is in no way a mean post..i just got a lil worked up..I realized something...I dont want to cook on Thanksgiving either.. Who wants to come with me to kidnap Lynette for the day?*

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Who wants to come with me to kidnap Lynette for the day?*

Me, me, me, me... <jumping up and down with hand in air< May I puleeeezzzz??? Can we hit some craft shops, and perhaps even a fabric store???? :cheer: Ohhhh, eyes glazing over..... :D

Hugs

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